Countdown to California

I'm starting to get majorly stressed out about my trip to California. I've been short, nervous and downright bitchy the past few days because the weight of the trip is weighing on my shoulders. I feel so much stress about this whole relationship with Mircea, which is ridiculous because that's the one thing to be happy and not-stressed about. I'm freaking out about leaving the cats, though they will be in great hands that love them very much, and I'm nervous about leaving my house, friends, etc. I was sort of whining about it last night and I was reminded by the wisest Romanian ever that "everything will work out how it is supposed to. If you lose friends while you're gone, than they aren't really your friends. If we don't work out, then we weren't supposed to. RELAX." Those words have been said to me so many times over the years and I often forget them. I will learn from my mistakes of the past and learn that I need to just let life live. To just let things take their course and have faith that others in my life won't let me down or aren't "out to get me."

I think little Katey Pooh might be growing up. I've had some set backs the past few days, but I had some nice talks with friends and realized that I am much stronger than any habits that I have and that I am a good person who has learned from their mistakes.

I'm not sure when I'll be writing on the blog again. Tomorrow I'm watching Purdue vs. Maryland and probably staying at my friends house after the game because I'll have had too much to drink. Saturday I'm taking care of the cats and hanging out with my sweetie, and then I'll be going to some New Year's Eve parties on Sunday. Monday is my "tie up all loose ends" day and then bright and early Tuesday morning I'm off for my three months in California.

Happy New Year to all my friends out there and let's all make 2007 a wonderful year. I would sure like to cry a whole lot less this year. Less worry, less stress, live life to the fullest!

Whirlwind Weeks

Since I've already talked to the one person I thought would be upset about this, I'm ready to make this post.

A couple of weeks ago I met the most amazing guy. From the moment I saw him (in a bar!) and the first words we exchanged, I knew this guy was someone special. I just didn't know in what capacity he would be to me. After a couple of dates I realized that he has made himself at home in my heart, and although I know its "too soon" and "you hardly know him", I feel like I've known him my whole life and I look forward to getting to know more and more about him.

Its so funny. I tried so hard to take things slowly with him in my heart and mind. I played it cool. I was "eh" when he asked me on a date, I didn't let him kiss me on the first date, I don't call him at all really and I let him call me. And you know what? He does. He calls me and sends me messages and actually pursued the hell out of me! And he's wonderful! He cooks for me and when I was sick all last week he bought me medicine and took care of me. He did all the dishes and took care of my cats and kept me company. And to think he kept saying to me "I'll get out of your hair if you're sick of me." As if that was possible!

He spoiled the heck out of me for Christmas and I had a hard time handling that. My girlfriends are like "that's the way it should be" and he was like "get used to it sweetie". I just don't think I can.

I'm not sure why I am blathering on about this. I have been sort of quiet in Blogger land lately, but I want to shout it from the rooftops that I'm crazy about a wonderful, sweet, romantic, Romanian guy who swept me off my feet in a few short weeks and whom I'm going to miss terribly while I'm in San Diego. He booked a ticket to visit me at the end of January and I can't wait to show him around my favorite city.

I'm even learning some Romanian. Now if he'll just become a citizen and get his passport we can go to Romania...maybe a summer trip to the bleakest place on Earth (he gets so mad at me when I say that!)

We took some pictures this weekend but I think they're pretty crappy. I'll see if they are worthy of posting when I get home!! ***Ok, I posted the picture, but we both look terrible. He hadn't shaved in days, had a big cut on his head from hunting (don't ask) and I hadn't been feeling well so we look wonderful! Oh well, at least we're happy. Ugly and happy!

Christmas Visit

My dad and I celebrated an early Christmas today and yesterday. He came into town and we had a nice lunch out and then we came back to my house to clean up leaves, which we did so well. We turned out to be a pretty darned good leaf cleaning team. Then we watched some tv last night (i've been sick so not really in the mood to do much) and then we had Christmas this morning. He was going to stay until Saturday but as I'm not feeling well and there isn't a damned thing to do in this town, we decided to call it a short visit. We had a nice time and it was great to see him. Vicki and my dad got me some really neat sweaters for Christmas, which is something I always need for sure. As usual, I got my dad sweaters, because he too is a fan of the garment.

I'm going to go take a nap. I'm feeling icky icky.

Schnitzel: Its Whats for Dinner

I'm afraid I'm going to put on lots of weight. But I only have two more weeks of good eats before I leave for California, so I guess its not really a concern. I eat like a Queen on travel, but its usually sushi and I also workout like a fiend as I have nothing else to do. Enough about my body distortion, let's talk about food, baby.

Last night the fabulous treat of schnitzel was prepared for me. Let me paint the scene for you. You get some pork cutlets, pound the hell out of them with a mallet, dip them in egg and breadcrumbs with spices and pan fry them up to perfection. Holy crap these are tasty. Served with mashed potatoes and veggies-I was in Heaven. Where has this yummy food been all my life? And the other question is, if it had been here, how fat would I be at this point?

I wonder if some of you are asking "I thought it was called Wiener schnitzel, what gives?" Apparently the Europeans don't all call it that and are slighty offended when we "Americans" call it that because "Why does it always have to be about [private parts] with you two?" when a friend and I both indicated that the first word we thought of with schnitzel was "weiner". So sue us!

Dumb jock? I think not

Rarely will you see me tooting the horn of someone in the NFL that doesn't play for the Colts. Last night I watched Monday Night Football (a Monday night party) with the Colts vs the Bengals. It was a pretty fun game to watch, though I got pretty sleepy at the end and just went to bed (once we had the game locked up). I was getting some odd looks during the game though because I kept cheering whenever the Bengals linebacker Landon Johnson was making a good play. I just love Landon. I had several classes with him at Purdue and he was always really nice nice to me, but the second thing I noticed (besides his gorgeous eyes) was that he was smart as a whip. He always seemed to know what he was doing in our Sensation and Perception class, where I was struggling through the basics. He used to stay after in class and help me a little bit sometimes with his buddy Chris James, also a football player (and also a hottie). I'm not sure why I'm writing this, but I have just always respected him so much. He's great at football, smart as can be, and has a great personality to boot. I love watching him succeed in the NFL because for once, a nice guy finishes well. Though not that well, because last night the Colts beat the Bengals, in a game that we weren't so sure was in the bag. GO COLTS!

Alvin, Simon...Theodore!

I had a very Alvin & the Chipmunks moment this morning. I was driving to work and heard Old Time Rock n'Roll, as made famous by Bob Seger. Immediatly I remembered when Alvin and his brothers played that song on a stage in the show. I also recalled how I always thought it was ZZ Top that sang that song until a few years ago, which led me to remember that The Chipmunks also covered a ZZ Top song that I used to sing all the time with my mom.

How funny were those darned Chipmunks? They were always getting into trouble and then once the girls came on the show, they had so many situations that seemed like they weren't, you know, Chipmunks. And why didn't anyone question that this man was taking care of Chipmunks? Who believed that they were real? Who the hell pays money to go to a concert where a bunch of rodents sing? (If anyone says they enjoyed the Showbiz Pizza concerts with Chuck E. Cheese I will give them a high five, but remember, we didn't have to pay for those) Ok, now I'm distracted because I went to the Showbiz Pizza site and rediscovered the Rockafire Explosion, which was probably my favorite record ever when I was a kid. I remember the day I accidently scratched it and I cried and cried to my babysitter that I had ruined it and she kept saying "Its ok, its ok" but it wasn't ok. It's still not ok.

For some reason, this just really creeps me out. I'm pretty sure you can guess all the reasons!

Christmas Meme

Tagged by Missy...


Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Wrapped
Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored on tree, white on the house. The only way to go as far as I'm concerned.
What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? My stepmother cooks very well, so anything she makes.
Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Playing with Marci (my childhood dog) under the tree when I got my Barbie and the Rockers tour bus.
Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?We always opened 1 gift.
How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Assorted ornaments picked up over the years and from my parents home.
Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Loved it in the Midwest, its a ridiculous waste of time here.
What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Christmas pie as prepared my step mother's sister Christine.
What is your favorite Christmas Song? What child is this
Candy Canes -Yuck or Yum? Awesome, especially as a peppermint mouth guard.
Favorite Christmas Tradition growing up: going to see my grandma and papa in ohio
Least Favorite Christmas Tradition Growing Up: Being done with Christmas in about 10 minutes since it was often just the three of us.
Breakfast or Presents First? Presents first.


I'm tagging Patty and Marc.

Hmmmm....

I couldn't think of a title today. I'm just making a quick post because I'm on my way out for the weekend for what is either going to be a trip to a beach house in Northern Maryland, or a trip to Lancaster, PA. Sadly, I'm not sure which and I'm not driving, so I'll hopefully find out soon enough. It should be nothing short of interesting, considering its with people I don't know very well, but don't worry. I'm being safe and I'm calling Marc with the address of the place tonight and if I don't show up to his house to take him to the airport on Sunday morning he'll know I'm dead and buried somewhere and who did it. Pretty sure that won't happen though.

Made lasagna last night for my date and I'm pissed because I totally didn't crumble the meat small enough so it was like meatball lasagna. He's just lucky I cooked anything because a.) I'm lazy as hell and b.) yeah, too lazy to come up with something else.

I realize that this is a lame post, but I've got to get going. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures and interesting adventures this weekend so I'll have something to write about when I return.

Butterflies and N'Sync...oh yeah, and a Christmas party

I can only describe our plans to surprise Ben's as "thwarted". That little brat decided that he had too much to do and couldn't come to the Happy Hour that Robyn and I were having. We finally had to force him out of the house, which is when he became terribly suspicious (as if beer pong on a Wednesday wasn't suspicious enough) and accused me of "setting up a ping pong table in his garage." He was very happy when we got back to his house and all the guys were there with the new table, but surprised is not a word I would use to describe him.

My beer pong playing was assessed in several ways last night, none of which ever get old.

Are you just going to stand there while the ball whizzes by your head?
Use the paddle, not your face.
Doesn't it look like she is trying to catch invisible butterflies?

Clearly the last one is the best, and I had to agree, it really did look like I was swatting at bugs or something.

I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning, and have been doing so for the past couple days. I was in such a good mood and XM was playing such great music this morning. I rocked out (if you can use that term) to N'Sync's I want you back. I don't know if I am comfortable admitting my love for N'Sync in this forum, but let's just say that several years ago both Marc and I (yes Marc, I'm throwing you under the bus on this one since you got me started on this 13-year old girl music) had tickets to the N'Sync concert in Charlotte, North Carolina, when we lived in INDIANA! Lucky for us, the show was cancelled (damned Ticketmaster doesn't refund the surcharge. 12.50 * whatever % interest for 6 years = I'm still pissed about a piddly amount of money) so we didn't have to find travel to Charlotte. I had also rallied for an N'Sync song as our wedding song, but surprisingly that was vetoed by the teenybopper himself. Turning his back on N'Sync like that. He's such a Justin Timberlake.

Today is our office Christmas party. Let me explain that a Gov't Christmas party isn't even 1/4 as fun as a civilian Christmas party. First of all, its a Holiday party, second its cash bar (drinks are like a million dollars apiece), third its in the Firehouse, fourth its full of a bunch of men in uniforms, which may excite some of you but realize that they are middle aged men in uniforms and mostly Navy, which means they aren't nearly as taut as the Marines. Don't refute it, the Navy is a lot "softer in the belly" than some of the other services! Not the point. Let me share some of my favorite things about last year's Holiday party.

1. The electric slide was played 7 times. I'm not kidding. I'm really not. And these two stupid women kept going out and dancing to it...incorrectly. I have never done this dance, but I'll tell you this much - I could have Pants Off/Dance Off'd the hell out of that song by the time the party was over.
2. The bugged-eyed lady (who I later had a class with and I've determined is certifably INSANE) who danced in her short, tight blue dress with her fish net stockings to the song "White Wedding" with the hot guy that sits a couple seats over from me. She grabbed his crotch near the end (he is married and yes, his wife was there) and hollered something along the lines of "I guess what they say is true" which caused my friend Colin to say "well, she did just go through a pretty nasty divorce", as though that somehow explained her behavior.
3. This behavior also prompted someone at an adjacent table to say "Looks like she managed to pick up Jungle Fever in the divorce", which explains to my readers why I didn't spell out that the guy was probably "endowed".
4. The same two idiots that were "dancing" the electric slide all day started drawing the names for the door prizes. This was great since they were totally blitzed and apparently illiterate. They'd say things into the microphone like "We don't even know who this person is" and throw away the slip. (Somehow I feel that person was me, especially when they called the winner for the wine sampler basket I'd been coveting and threw the name on the ground when they didn't recognize it.) It was also about this time when I realized that the one woman only had one finger on her right hand...and that's right ladies and gentlemen-it was her middle finger. I'm not even going to "go there" but you can fill in your own jokes (and pity)

Ok, so this blog post has gone on long enough, but hopefully it will help Patty get over her boredom and maybe put some other people in that less-than-bored state.

I think it was venison...

I had such a fun night last night on my date with a vampire. He made me some yummy food; shrimp and venison (which I referred to as "surf and field") and a cheesy rice side. It was so good and now I'm officially 100% nervous about cooking for him. I can't think of anything to make that I won't screw up and that's that. If I could buy the food and somehow present it as though I had cooked it, I would do that, but that would also be considered misleading and I'd have to keep up those airs for awhile, and I just don't have the time. Any suggestions would be great!!

Tonight I have some awesome plans. I'm so excited about this. My friend Ben has a ping pong table in his garage and we play beer pong on it. Well its all brusied and broken and a little bit dangerous. We decided to all go in together and buy him a new one, so I picked it up this weekend and we have a plan for this evening. Robyn and I are distracting Ben at Cheeseburger in Paradise for some Happy Hour drinks, while the guys in our group go to Ben's house and set it up in the garage. Then, Robyn and I will go back to Ben's house with him and we'll open the garage door for Beer Pong and voila, the new table will be all set up and the guys will be inside ready to play. I can't wait to see his face!!

Ok, gotta get going. I have a hangar tour to go to at work and I'm sure it will just be a blast!

Merry Christmas from the White House

I had an entertaining and productive weekend, two things that I don't often experience and NEVER do they occur together. I'm feeling refreshed and re-energized for the week and I think this will help propel me through the Holidays. At the very least I'm sporting an ounce of Christmas cheer.

On Friday, I went over to Marc's house for pizza and a movie, which was Seven. Neither of us had ever seen it, and it was pretty good. We are both big fans of Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt, so we definitely liked it. Plus the pizza was awesome!

On Saturday morning, a team of us participated in the Jingle Bell for Arthritis 5k. It was very chilly out there but we all had a good time and later warmed up at I-Hop. I had such a great team of people participating! Marc, who is having knee issues following the Marine Corps Marathon, acted as "team photographer" and got lots of good photos of us running. Then he was kind enough to help me winterize my house a little bit and teach me to sew. But the highlight of Saturday is that there was a free sneak-preview of We Are Marshall, on base. I will devote a blog to it because I just thought it was great, so look for that in the next few days. The quick and dirty is that it was one of the best movies I have ever seen, and it moved me like none other has before because those were real lives.

Sunday turned out to be way better than expected. I had ;romised a visiting intern from San Diego a tour of DC. I was sort of dreading it because I barely knew this guy at all (I've probably talked to him once) plus I had a ton of chores to do at my house. Well, it turned out I woke up at 5 am (which I have done for 7 mornings straight) so I got all my chores done before I went to pick him up at 8. We had a blast! We went to a couple of museums and some monuments and he was great company. I'm looking forward to the tours of San Diego I'll be getting from him. Its comforting to know that I will know someone that I will work with out in California, so I won't get too lonely. (Of course Blogger photos won't work!)

As excited as I am about going to California, I'm officially dreading it a little bit because I'm going to miss my friends here so much.

Life Soundtrack

I thought this was pretty cute. I've seen it on a couple of people's blogs but don't have a specific person to credit it to. I thought this was really fun and I didn't cheat at all and it came out pretty darned cool...some of them so cool that it felt like cheating because they were badass!

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool… (hey, that’s what the directions said, not me!)


Opening Credits: Lying is the most fun a girl can have with her clothes on – Panic! At the Disco
Waking Up: Leaving So Soon — Keane
First Day At School: Low-Coldplay
Falling In Love: A bad dream- Keane
Fight Song: The News – Jack Johnson
Breaking Up: Hate Me- Blue October (terribly ironic, you know)
Prom: Sophia- Live
Life: Little House- The Fray
Mental Breakdown: The Last Time – Gnarls Barkley
Driving: The Adventure- Angels & Airwaves
Flashback: Temptation- New Order
Getting Back Together: 7 Minutes in Heaven- Fall Out Boy
Wedding: Ceremony – New Order (you can’t even make this stuff up)
Birth of Child: Subculture- New Order
Final Battle: In the End- Linkin Park
Death Scene: How to Save a Life – The Fray
Funeral Song: Start the Machine – Angels & Airwaves
End Credits: Round and Round- Tupac w/Digital Underground



I’ve made up some of my own topics and now I’ll go through them.

Summer 2006- They Call You Bitch- Tupac ( I think only a select few people call me that based on the summer)
My Friends- Love Shines- Live
Dating- Love Like Winter-AFI

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

I’ll start with a little background on why I’ve officially become obsessed with this. I was telling Marc a couple months ago about my love for AFI. I played him the cd and he said that the first song was entrance music for a guy from the Lansing Lugnuts. I can certainly understand why, it’s quite an enjoyable song. Having been to only one baseball game ever (a Lugnuts game, 6 years ago) I didn’t realize that this was a big deal and that the majority of baseball players have some sort of “at bat” music that they play over the loudspeaker. Similar of course, to the wonderfully ridiculous music that WWE wrestlers have and an ex-boyfriend of mine used to purchase the cds of. Yeah, that’s right.

So I was thinking “what would my music be?” I mean, I’m not skilled at baseball (or any sport really, though I am active) but there may be a time in my life where I need some entrance music (other than “here comes the bride, but we all know how well that went for me”). So I’ve been auditioning songs for a little while and I’ve narrowed it down to a select few.

AFI: Prelude 12/21 Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep
The Cure: Mint Car Never guessed it got this good, wondered if it ever would, really didn't think it could
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Love Rollercoaster You give me that funny feeling in my tummy
N.E.R.D.: Lapdance Ooh baby you want me?
Divinyls: Touch Myself I love myself, I want you to love me

I really can't make a decision, so I've decided that I might end up making a soundtrack for myself instead. Which I will do in a blog post tomorrow and I'm hoping that many of you will do that same.

---

I obviously had to research this a little bit and found some really interesting stuff on the topic. I have to appreciate the humor in a couple of these.

Scott Rollen St. Louis Cardinals: "Rollin" Limp Bizkit <- Hopefully he's cooler than Fred Durst Mike Myers, New York Yankees: Theme from "Halloween" <- That cracks me up Matt Holliday, Colorado Rockies: "Holiday", Madonna <- Does everyone imagine Adam Sandler as the Wedding Singer when they hear this song?

Open Eyes. Look at plane. Find more.

I am on a hunt for a larger version of this plane. Its the S-3 Viking, and of course, its hard to find because the Navy has sundowned the aircraft. But my sweet little buddy Draigan loves it so much and Auntie Kate wants to get him one for Christmas. He's got two of the little ones, but I have been searching high and low for a bigger one, to no avail. So if memorize this plane, nerd yourself up, and start looking for it!!

My "Bubble"

My friend Patty has many many many times reminded me that I need to work on my skills of "self-preservation" and not let people affect me that shouldn't be doing so. Such good advice, that I seem to never have the courage to take. I seem to want to find that validation in people.

Last night was a test of my co-dependancy issues. A guy that I met out in California was feeling really down and depressed and I could feel myself "falling for him"(as in finding myself wanting to save him and dating him if that was the way to do so) so I could help him. I should have "helped him" by calling the proper authorities and then ran like hell for the hills. Instead I said that I'd like to see him while I'm out there and he said he'd call. I'll give myself some points on this...I totally caught myself getting involved with someone because I can "save" them, and I'm aware that I need to watch myself around him. BREAK THIS CYCLE. (that's a command to myself)

In other news, no call from Romanian boy, and according to popular opinion, too much time has passed and he will not be calling. I am definitely disappointed because he seemed interesting (and cute) enough to want to talk to again, he does not define my self worth. Maybe he thought I was ugly, maybe he had a girlfriend, maybe he's too afraid to call, maybe he thought "that girl was too drunk, I don't want to associate with that", or 100 other reasons that DO NOT AFFECT ME and I shouldn't let them hurt me.

I'm going to get some glasses tonight I think. That makes me nervous because I don't think I have very good taste in stuff like that. I like "cat glasses" but I'm not sure that I can pull them off.

Weekend Wrap-Up

I had a pretty fun and eventful weekend. On Friday I completed my community service for my speeding ticket, which consisted of wordlessly directing people down a 10 foot path with a flashlight in nice warm evening weather. I met a couple of nice people too so it was a good time. Earlier that day, Marc came over and we made a lemon meringue pie that was AWESOME, and we also watched some TIVO'd shows, the Office of which was the funniest and I giggled so hard that I had a bit of a sore throat.

Saturday morning I went to a craft fair with some girfriends and got a gift for my dad. Then I did more stupid homework and made a dip for a Holiday party/wine tasting at a friends house. I could make this much funnier and drawn out if I had the time, but lets just say I managed to burn about a lb of bacon, eat about a lb of bacon, and I have the scars on my hands to prove that hot oil and little Katey don't mix. But it was a yummy dip and it was a hit at the party.

The holiday party was so fun. I went with Robyn, her husband Andrew, and our friend Ben. It was such a darned good time and I got to meet a bunch of nice people. Of course, I drank way too much wine, as the lady in charge of the tasting has a "generous pour" as Robyn said. These are some of my quotes of the evening.

To Robyn: "[That girl] is so pretty but needs to whiten her teeth, right?" (the answer was damned skippy"

To a Navy Captain: "Oh you're the guy who sends out those annoying emails before holidays about safety and use a condom and blah blah blah" (Everyone was dying with laughter on this and they were like "we've been wanting to say that for years")

To Robyn: "Did we have a conversation about [that girl] needing to whiten her teeth?

To the adorable Romanian guy I met at the bar later: "Do you live with your mom?" (multiply this by about 9 times and realize that he is NOT going to be
calling me.)

To Robyn: "I can't remember, did I tell you [that girl] had some tooth whitening issues?"

Sunday I helped Marc do lots of Christmas shopping, and that was a pretty darned good time too. It was fun to help him out with it, but it was weird at the same time. Oh well, we had a good time and people kept saying "you guys are such a cute couple" as we were both wearing our Indianapolis Colts jerseys. (If they only knew)

Simple Pleasures are the Best

Stole this from Sarah.
Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, and hopefully your readers will post the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used. Also, try not to list "porn" for every answer. (I didn't put those directions in. My friends are way too classy for that, huh?)

1. Snuggling with Fernie and Lily
2. Sharing hot cocoa with Lindsay
3. And sangria
4. Running on my road, when the deer look up and don't run away when I run by
5. Taking a hot soak
6. Sipping a cold drink on the dock and watching the sunset
7. Hugging my friends "hello" (goodbye is just too sad)
8. Eating sushi
9. Walking in the rain
10. Loving someone more than I thought possible.

Silly Mistake

I've officially annoyed myself beyond belief. I somehow managed to overdraft my checking account while I was on travel. The funny thing is that I was trying to be a good girl and pay extra towards my student loan. I managed to pay it from the wrong account though, so then I got a ton of fees charged to me, totally $166. At least they gave me $80 back when I called to complain, but man, that sucks! Just wanted to bitch at my own stupidity.

Its a gloomy day today, but I'm looking forward to my run outside and then my community service tonight at the Sotterly Mansion (damn speeding ticket).

Arghhh!!

What a Wild Ride

I really don't want to bitch right now, but I have a feeling this is the only way it will come out. I feel like my life is sort of spinning out of control and it makes me feel very uncomfortable, however, I am learning an awful lot about myself and others and "life in general" as I go through it all.

First, I'd like to take a moment to share some things I've discovered about myself, maybe just in the interest of some full disclosure and getting it off my chest.

• My little heart/head are so very confused in life that I'm not sure how I managed to even maintain any sort of relationship in the past. I'm learning little patterns that I go through in relationships (all relationships, not just romantic) and I realize that they aren't necessarily healthy.
• I don't like people that like me. Isn't this interesting? I am not a fan of people that take a geniune interest in me. I seem to really like to work for people's love and attention and once I have it, I drop it like a hot potato. Hmmmm, could that have a lot to do with my wedding cancellation? I can't seem to accept that people love me for me, and I assume it has something to do with not "loving" myself as much as I probably could. I'm learning some tools to work through that, but its difficult.
• I am drawn to people that are a challenge. I dated a guy (I use that term so loosely) fairly recently and barely liked him. Then he told me he didn't want to keep seeing me as anything other than a friend. All of a sudden, he was this Adonis, and I wanted to be with him and thought he was so charming, witty, etc. What the hell is that? I actually talked to him about it (strangely enough) and he said "people hate rejection. If you'd have called it off with me I'd probably be chasing you right now." How ridiculous am I, and so many other people for that behavior?
• I'm wondering if my weight will always be an issue with me. I'm such an emotional eater. I thought I had it all under control, but then the stress of the break-up, move out, etc., has taken its toll on me. I'm doing something about it, but I fear it will always consume me.
• I hate flighty people. And holy carpoly, I'm flighty. Its funny, I used to get irritated with a flighty friend of mine and then I realized I was complaining that he did things that I do all the time. Now I'm trying to stay much more grounded.
• I really want to be happy with myself. I really want to meet someone who loves me as much as I love him and share a happy life with this person. I'd love to raise a family and live a life that satisfies me. Its so hard saying that because I was so close to sharing that with someone I love very much, but the pressure to be "great" was too much for me.
• I'm glad that my parents were so strict when I was growing up. I seem to be a "wild child" when left to my own devices.
• I'm learning that love seems to hurt the heart so very much, but it also heals so much. I know I'm going to screw it up, but someone quoted something to me along the lines of "sometimes hurting is good because at least you know that you are fully living life and feeling". I'll accept that.
• People tell me I'm pretty. I secretly think those people are blind. And wonder why they have to lie to me and try to make me feel good. I also can't see my body for what it truly is. I'm incessently pointing people out to my friend Lainie saying "that woman is smaller than me right?" and she looks at me agast. I think I have body dysmorphic disorder. And unfortunatly I'm not kidding.

I'm feeling very vulnerable that I've shared these things, but I need to get them off my chest and out of my head. I'm in my head so damned much that I think I'm not enjoying life anymore...not that I really ever did. I really want to do some anonymous survey thingie where people can tell me exactly what they think of me so no one has to hide the truth. Damn, I really want that.

Not much new to report

I don't really have much to report right now. I'm working on a couple of blog ideas that will hopefully be interesting (a blog on emo music, as well as a blog for what my baseball entrance music would be) but there just isn't much going on in my life. I started Weight Watchers again on Monday and it has been challenging, but its so worth it and not that hard so I don't mind the hungry belly right now. I've also worked out both days this week and intend on working out today after my class, and before I go to get some yummy "healthy" groceries to stock up my house. I haven't been my normal self for months and don't even have condiments in my fridge, so I'm going to at least act like I live there for this last month before I go to San Diego.

Still in the crappy rental car. Its a smoky, no-power locks/windows, Chevy Cobalt and it angers me. A lot. And I miss the XM. A lot. And I wonder how the new Incubus cd, but haven't heard from my music hook up in a couple of days, so I'm in withdrawl for that.

Hope everyone has a good week and I'll try to get those posts done. I know, I know you are dying with anticipation.

**As an afterthought, I'd like to mention that I watched the movie Jarhead this weekend. I really really enjoyed the movie, and it was funny as I work with so many "Jarheads" to watch this, remembering conversations that they had about it when it came out. It got mixed reviews, by critics, and Marines, but I enjoyed it. Not sure I'd watch it again, but I own it now, so its mine all mine if I want to. Plus it had John Krasinski in it, whom I will someday marry.

Getting it Back Together

I have totally let myself go in the past few months. I mean, with weight, exercise, even my skin. I am pulling myself up out of the dumps (that I created for myself with my idiocy) and taking control of my life.

I signed up for Weight Watchers again today and I'm going to stick to that and lose the 20 lbs I gained since I got back from Florida. I had been at my goal weight and I let it all go to crap and that makes me very disappointed in myself.

In somewhat happy news, I got the TIVO working, and I'll have to blog about that later. Its a doozy. That ends well, so I can at least be happy.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. We are now entering what has to be the most depressing holiday season ever because I don't have Marc to share it with, nor my own family. BUT I WILL NOT LET IT GET ME DOWN!

Pictures from the Trip

I thought I'd share some pictures from my trip out to California/Nevada. I am not the best at taking pictures at this point, but I was just trying to figure out some more of the functions on my camera.

This first picture is from Joshua Tree National Park, where Lindsay and I spent an afternoon. I had been there before, but sans camera, and it was great to get to go back, this time with such a great friend.

The Joshua trees are so neat. I've always loved them, before I'd even seen them and they were just an enigma from a great u2 album.

On the drive to Vegas we had to pull over to get this shot. The sky was just so beautiful, with all those different colors and swirls.
It was pretty rough getting pictures at the Bellagio, but it was really beautiful and I'm attempting to share a little of it. There are some better shots of the hotel, but this is one of the better ones of the fountain.

Of course there had to be a party picture. We took it pretty easy that evening, but wanted to be a little "touristy".

Busy Thanksgiving

I love cooking for Thanksgiving. I was so nervous this year that I would be miserable on Thanksgiving, as Marc and I are not together, for life or for the Holiday, but I seem to be pulling through, and cooking is helping with that.

So far this morning I have; defrosted, cleaned, prepared brine and brined the turkey for tomorrow (do not like playing with turkey, the first year I cried because I don't like eating animals), made cranberry sauce, made a pumpkin pie, worked on a sweet potato casserole that at press time is not prepared, drank a root beer float at 9 in the morning, and I'm currently planning my attack for cleaning, figuring out how to make another pie when there aren't any pie plates left, and at some point, getting dressed and making myself presentable. Somehow I don't see that happening while I dilly dally on the internet, so I guess I'd better go. Maybe I can figure out to make green bean casserole, and then officially take the role of Martha Stewart. Oh, except that I won't be a total bitch. (sorry that wasn't kid friendly. not that kids read this!)

Hello from 29 Palms!

Just wanted to say "hello" and Happy Thanksgiving from 29 Palms, California. I'm out here visiting Lindsay and her family and we're looking forward to hosting a lot of Marines for Thanksgiving. We've been shopping and cooking and we're getting ready to impress. After dinner on Thursday, Lindsay and I will be heading to Las Vegas for an evening of good clean fun, and then Friday morning I return to Maryland (BOO MARYLAND!) I hope that everyone has a yummy turkey day and they are lucky to be surrounded by great people...as I am.

Gotta run!!

But Hunting Season Hasn't Started Yet

I had such an interesting evening last night, which is what always happens when you are really busy and don't have time for any sort of deviation from your plan. Or what I like to call "my life". Driving home from the gym on Thursday night I was rocking out in my car and all of a sudden felt/heard a BOOM. Sadly, the first thought that went through my head was "I have hit a person!" Luckily, I have an over active imagination. I looked to the side of my car (as I couldn't stop as I had someone right on my bumper) and saw a big buck writhing around and then run back across the street where he came from. Let's take a moment to note that I was on the Navy base. Let's take another moment to note that I live way out in the country on the river in the woods, see at least 5 deer a day and not one of them has ever run into my car. I had a fair amount of damage, but luckily my airbags didn't deploy so my car is driveable. There is a big snafu with the rental car as I'm going on travel to California tomorrow, but it will all work out with very little out of pocket expense for me, and I can handle that. I thought I'd attach a couple of pictures of the damage, so you can feel sorry for my precious car, which I had been considering selling as it was in perfect condition and I'd actually profit if I sold it now. Damn Bambi's daddy... messing up my plans. And I feel pretty bad because I'm such an animal lover that I feel guilty.


Other than that I'm pretty pumped. I am leaving early tomorrow morning for California and I'm so excited about spending time with Lindsay, Dan and Draigan. Woohoo!! I really need a break too, as I've been stressing myself out with stupid things lately and I need to purge that bad stuff from my brain. And the weather is going to be nice so there is plenty of running in my future!

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

File Under WTF?!?!?!

I happened upon this article on CNN.com just a little while ago and I can't believe my eyes. O.J. Simpson has written a book called If I Did It, Here's How it Happened. Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? I am agast. This is like me saying something along the lines of...you know, I can't come up with a good joke here. This guy is such an arrogant ass clown that I can't even fathom this. He needs the money? Did he ever pay the money to Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldmann's families after he was found guilty of wrongful death in the civil trial?

Go to Hell OJ. Go to Hell.

Roller Coaster of Life

On the roller coaster of life I've had an interesting ride. It was full of bumps a youth, but nothing that I couldn't handle. It was fairly emotional throughout high school and college, but not in the sense that it is for most people. I managed to stay under the radar for a long time, not experiencing the hurts and pains that come with growing up. I was in a happy relationship for quite some time and managed to avoid all the heart break of breakups and dating. And for some reason I thought I'd been cheated on that, that I had to experience the world so I could appreciate what I have.

Well in the past 5 months, I've experienced 5-10 years worth of heart ache and pain. A relationship ended with someone that I loved very much and I realized how terribly vulnerable I am to other people and letting them hurt me. I've realized how naive I am as well, and how I must not take what people say at face value. Not everyone knows the whole story about what happened with the wedding, but let's just say some of that stuff cropped up fairly recently and somehow it managed to break my heart a little bit more. But for no good reason. I should have realized that the person that had so much to do with the end of the wedding was a toxic, poisonous person, and his recent behavior only proves that I was simply a pawn in a little game. Its just so weird. I always believe the best in people, because I am not a person who lies or tells half truths. I tell people I love them if I love them, I tell people I'm not interested if I'm not interested. Why do people put up airs and pretenses? Just to get what they want? Are they really ever winning?

Oh, how I'd love to expand on this, but this isn't the forum.

I guess there is one takeaway. I've learned a lot in these past few months; about myself and about others. I think I really am finding myself and that is an invaluable lesson. The cost has been pretty great though, but I guess in the end, it will be worth it.

FYI

I somehow managed to disconnect my internet at my house, and although I've tried to figure it out, I just can't find my problem. So don't look for too many posts out of me, because I'm also swamped at work. I'm sure you're all so disappointed!

I Know Where Elton John is on Wednesday Nights

I'm getting really sick of celebrities spouting out their opinions. Unless of course, their opinions don't suck. (Insert sarcastic laughter here.) This gem came out recently from Elton John and it just bugs me.

I just wonder who the heck he thinks he is to say "let's get rid of all religions". I mean, why even say it? Does he think that all of a sudden the world will unite and say "you know what, that Elton John is a damned good singer and a genius as well. Let's stop going to church and just do whatever we feel like". And that begs another question. If we stop having organized religion, isn't it true that we'd have a religion based on a.) He/She (if we're lucky its Elton John) that mandated no religion? or b.) If we have no religion I guess we won't have War anymore and then we'll have a bazillion different opinions anyway. Argh, I'm just frustrated. I'm angry because although I don't really give a crap about organized religion, I think we blow it waaaaay out of proportion. Its not like I go to church and say "you know what, every damned bit of this is perfect and I question none of it." And I doubt others do that as well.

Ok, I'll just stop blathering. I will include these two links, (episode one/episode two)which explain how South Park dealt with this "lack of religion" issue...a full two weeks before Sir Elton brought it up. Makes me wonder if he's a big Trey Parker/Matt Stone fan.

Shutup Elton John. Or at least put your words to music.

Random Facts Blog

Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a blog entry of some kind with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.

I got this from my friend Sarah's LJ and decided that I'd at least answer it for myself and won't force anyone to answer it, but I personally think that at least Marc, Chantelle and Missy should do so.

Here are my 6 random facts.

1.) I've always felt that I'm not "from" somewhere. I've lived in so many different places that I feel like I have no roots anywhere. I don't like that feeling.

2.) I've always wanted to get a tatoo but I'm much too indecisive to do so. So I've made the decision to not do it as opposed to deciding what I wanted. Plus I'm sure I'll be nice and flabby and it will all stretch out and look stupid.

3.) I have never had any self-esteem. I have a lot of trouble finding my self worth in things. That often confuses people because I appear bubbly and outspoken, but inside, I hurt a lot. A whole lot.

4.) I've never done any drugs whatsoever. I'm proud of this, and also sometimes feel a little lame because I'm much too old and mature to try anything silly now.

5.) I worry that I'm not doing the best for myself and for others and I really want to be a good person and do good things. Its hard to accept that I am just so insignificant in the world.

6.) I want a dog so badly. And have been wanting one for quite some time. And in my heart of hearts I know that I am much too busy for a dog. But darnit!

I Can Only Assume You Want Fries with That

I read this article on CNN this afternoon. It cracked me up. Well, not exactly. First of all, I have never "done" any sort of drug ever. I just have to laugh at a couple of things here.

1. Why oh why would you be stupid enough to lace a police officer's hamburger with pot?
2. Did you think you wouldn't get caught?
3. Who doesn't feel bad for the regular joe that walks in and actually wishes for pot on their hamburger? That would have made their day...instead it was wasted on an officer of the law.

You can't tell me the King doesn't eat potburgers. Why do you think he's so happy?

Other interesting news today. My friend Murthlyn called me this morning and said "I was a millionaire for 30 minutes." Apparently there was a bank error in her favor from the Navy Federal Credit Union and her account denoted that she had a little over $7M in her checking. Here's my favorite part of the conversation.

M: "So I noticed it looked funny when I checked it this morning."

K: "What did you do?"

M: "I got up and got my glasses to verify."

I'm not sure why it makes me laugh so hard that she saw that it looked like a big number and went up to get her glasses to verify that it was in fact, a huge number. She said that she got into the shower and found it kind of difficult to not be a little giddy, even though she knew the money wasn't hers. By the time she got to work and called the bank they had fixed the error, but she was feeling pretty pumped after that.

And the best news of all...I got a job! Ok, yes, I have a job, but I'm in a program where you are sort of an overpaid apprentice for three years and then you get your final placement in a position within NAVAIR. Well, I decided that I wanted to work in Fleet Readiness Centers, which is the new way that the Navy and Marine Corps are doing their maintenance. I talked with the Admiral in charge of the program and we decided that I'll be a great fit for the team. In fact the words "we'd like you as part of our executive team" were used. I'm very excited about it and feel very fortunate for the opportunity. I'm going to San Diego for three months starting in January and will work with the FRC team somewhat, but when I return in March I'll be working for them full time. I'm so excited!!!! This will be a great program for high visability and promotions shouldn't be an issue either. I'm so excited to be supporting the Fleet so directly too. It looks like my training at AMO school actually meant something!

Undefeated!

Ok, I know that no one wants to hear how awesome the Colts are. Oh wait, I do! I just have to do my obligatory sports post so that everyone is aware of how awesome I am at picking sports teams to love. (note the sarcasm. note it.)

First of all, Purdue won on Saturday. Didn't see that one coming, did you? They played Michigan State in chilly East Lansing this weekend. Marc actually went to the game and said although it was a terrible game, we played "the least horribly" so we came out on top. Very nice.

Notre Dame won. BOO!

And now we get to the Colts. I was a little scared, I'm not going to lie about that. My boys are a great team, but this year we've not been trouncing people the way I like to see. Alas, in 30 degree Gillette Stadium, we showed the Patriots, and a haughty Mr. Tom Brady, who was boss. Oh I love to see that pretty boy pouting on the sidelines.

I'm not going to bore you, but it was a great game and the turnovers were great. Well, at least when they were ours!

I do want to note one thing. There was a terrible call for the Patriots on a first down play. There was a huge pile-up and no one could see where the ball was, but the Ref called it "first down" immediatly. Now at this point, don't you say to yourself "well, this guy has a favorite?" I don't mind if someone makes a bad call based on what they see, but when you are just calling it good without getting a visual on it, well, it makes me think that maybe you are not playing fair. Yes we won, but that's not the point. I don't like cheap refs that help out teams. And then, to top it off, since he is the head referee, he has to review the call because the "men upstairs" (akin to the banker on Deal or No Deal, I'm sure) called for the review. Well of course he's not going to correct himself. Erroneous!!

Oh, and here's a letter I'd like to write:

Dear Chevy,

Stop playing your stupid American does "blah blah" commerical with the John Mellancamp song. Just stop it. The first 6 times I heard it I thought it was a Ford commericial, so your marketing isn't working at all. And the song sucks. Sorry Mr. Mellancamp, you may be an Indiana boy, but you were downright annoying last night. Oh, and furthermore, Pink was also annoying. I don't like when you change words to a song to make it about football. Even if you do say "Peyton Manning" in it, it doesn't win me over. You aren't Weird Al. You're just...weird.

Sincerely,

Kate

Copy:
Mr. John Mellancamp
Ms. Alecia Moore (Pink)
Mr. Alfred Yankovic (Weird Al)

If its Anything with Greg Kinnear you can just...

I'll let those that know the quote just finish it for themselves, under the guise of keeping this blog family friendly.

I watched a great movie last night called Little Miss Sunshine. This is one of the best all-around movies I've seen in a little while. I don't want to ruin too much of it, because I honestly think that anyone reading this should either see it in the theatre or get it on dvd when it comes out (Dec. 19). The movie is about this adorable little girl (Olive) who wants to be in the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in California. The whole family has to join her on the trip, including her dad who isn't doing very well with his job, her stressed out mom, her uncle who just got released from the hospital after trying to commit suicide, her brother, who is taking a vow of silence and following Nietzsche and her grandfather, who is a crazy old man that does Heroin because "well, he can".

I've always thought Abigail Breslin was the cutest thing ever. She was so cute in Signs, and I just love her to pieces. She did a great job in this movie as well, and just made my night.

Now for my run this morning. I did the CAASA 5k run on Solomon's Island this morning. It is a memorial run as well, for a man who died a couple of years ago when he was struck by a car running on the road. Watch out for runners!! I got a PR on this run, but I'm still slow as sign. Case in point, I was beat by a 7 year old. Now to be fair, this little girl is a great runner, and she runs with her dad, who usually wins these things. They were a ways behind me the whole race, and then at the very end they kicked it up a notch (bam!) a little before I had intended to. Well the whole crowd is cheering "Go Annie" and I can't very well beat her now can I? I started to speed up and then I was really on her (yes, I'm was tailing a 7 year old) but I couldn't bring myself to pass her because who wants to be that a-hole that cuts off a kid at the end? Not me. So I slowed down and hung back and let her take all the 7 year old glory that she could. And she got two medals. One for her age group and one as being the youngest runner there. I am sooooo jealous!

Argh!

Again, this post is not about War. This post is about the people that are fighting the war. And the ridiculous comments made by John Kerry.

"You know, education -- if you make the most of it, you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

I personally like the picture that went around my office today.

and yes, I would be just as mad if a Republican said this. Don't mess with the warfighter.

The Weekend: Marine Corps Marathon Edition

This weekend I went up to the D.C. to support Marc in the Marine Corps Marathon. He's been training for months and he finally got to see all his hard work pay off on Sunday.

I know he is planning a post on it, and I will link that to my site as soon as it is up. He was having some internet issues yesterday. I have a lot of pictures too, but I'll wait and let him choose those when he's good and ready.

So all in all, he did a great job and it was a long day (even for this spectator). I'm really looking forward to finishing the marathon myself next year. I wish it was already behind me, but I just didn't have the drive or the willpower.

Congratulations Marc!!!!


****My bestest friend Sean got married to his beautiful wife Autumn this weekend on the beach in Florida. I'm so happy for them and wish them well.****

Sorry to Get Sappy

I just wonder when things are going to be ok in my life. I just wonder if I'm ever going to find my place in this world and if I'll ever be happy in my own skin.

I really hope I find it. I think I deserve it. I think I deserve to stop letting myself get into terrible relationships and looking for friends in all the wrong places.

OY.

Less Joy

Ok, so the Tivo isn't working. Its going through a 3 hour diagnostic. In a positive note, the eBay seller said it was still under warranty so we could try to get it all worked out. Let me wipe my tears. Sometimes I wonder...

Joy of Joys

The Tivo has come. The installing it is coming now. The smile is big.

The Weekend: Mojito Edition

I had such a great weekend visiting with Patty. She came in on Thursday night, and our originial plan was for her to get a "taste of st. mary's county" and visit the Dew Drop Inn (the home of many a SMIB bachelorette party). Well, her flight was delayed a gazillion times and she didn't actually get into my car until about 11:30, a mere 4.5 hours after her arrival time. Needless to say she didn't get to visit the Dew Drop, but we did enjoy a Blue Moon at my house with the cats. The next day we lazily wake up and drive up to the Germantown area to visit with her friend Emily that she went to school with. Emily is a blast and we went out to a bar in Germantown with another friend of hers to watch a metal band. That's right, a "metal band". It was slighty terrifying and the clientele was very interesting. I absolutly loved the mohawked bartender, and shed a tear to see that he was married. As if I would ever say anything to him, but still.
My favorite part of the evening was that the guy in the band we were there to watch (which of course didn't get onstage until midnight) looked like just a regular normal joe. The rest of the guys in the group were a little grungier, but it seemed as though this guy just stepped out of his office in khakis and a t-shirt and decided "you know what? I'm just going to go sing metal for this group" and proceeded to yell his heart out and strain his vocal chords. They were actually pretty good, but the "yelling" gets to me sometimes.

The next night when went to Kellee's house (the friend of Emily) in DC, and then met up with some other college friends of Patty's at the Banana Cafe, which wasn't the best...well I guess it was good, I was "three mojitos to the wind" so I barely tasted my food. The plaintains were great, but can you ever screw up a plaintain? I think not.

After the Banana Cafe we staggered our way to this other bar, which I have no idea what it is. I was so trashed on those three mojitos, because I had no idea they were so strong and I rarely drink hard liquor. I just kept ordering waters all night, because it was clear that I had my fun. As I sobered up I noticed how quiet it was in the bar. That's when I realized that the bar was full of deaf people. They were all signing and it was quiet (including when I shattered a glass) and actually kind of nice. I think we were some of the only hearing people in there, and it was nice to not have to shout over people.

I Don't Know Whether to Laugh or Cry (laughing)

Purdue Editorial <---Don't click if you are afraid of an inflatable "man part".

I actually counted that the word penis(es) is used 9 times. I have to give this guy credit though-the article is pretty well written and the use of double entendre is sublime.

And yes, I'm embarassed that this brings happiness and "excitement" to Purdue students. And a little shame.

The Weekend: Sports Edition

Well, the Boilers have done it again. I can't be mad at them though, they were playing Wisconsin, a team that far outranks us, and deservedly so. And honestly, as much as I'd like to see the Boilers provide the Badgers with an upset, I'm looking at the greater good of the Big 10 and I like to see the teams win that can be other conferences so we finally get a little respect on the National front. The teams this year are Wisconsin, Michigan and of course, Ohio State, teams that I don't root for when they play Purdue, but I like to see them win so we get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. (Just a little bit!)

Unfortunate News: The freakin' Irish won this weekend, which puts me at 0-2 for sports on Saturday.

But of course there is one team, that never lets me down. (I use the term 'never' quite loosely, as it does not include the play-offs!) Although it was a little hairy at the beginning, the Indianapolis Colts beat the Washington Redskins on Sunday, making my wearing of the Colts jersey all over DC on Sunday morning well worth the sneers and snide comments. My friend Lainie is a big Redskins fan and I was going to call her at Half-time to comment on the fact that the 'skins were ahead and I was getting scared. And now this morning I was lucky enough to get to send her a beligerent GO COLTS email that I'm sure made Monday even better. I'd like to attach a picture, but alas, Blogger knows not how to upload a picture with ease and simplicity. (or poise and rationality)

Hmmmm

Ok, I don't like to get in big social debates, but this article on CNN.com really bugged me today. The story is about Chris Rock's mom, and her claim that Cracker Barrel was racially discriminating against her and her daughter as they waited a half an hour before being addressed in the restaurant. Now I have only once been discriminated against because of my race, and that didn't really upset me too much. Its also not that I think that his mother wasn't discriminated against. I just have a problem with someone saying "Bad service? It must be because I'm ____." Sarah and I recently went to dinner at the Okada Sushi restaurant and we waited almost 30 minutes to even be addressed. We made the joke that the bartender must be homosexual, as there is no way that he would ignore two hotties like us. (We were obviously joking) We didn't go, "this guy must hate young, single, white women." We figured they were busy and had bad service.

Now you might say "well, what if they were helping everyone else and clearly not helping this one group?" That happened to me and Sarah. They helped the drunks, the old people, and the smoking angst ridden hottie "bad-boys".

This may be a perfectly valid complaint that these people were discriminated because of their race. Is it lawsuit worthy? Do you sue the company who hired the bigot that treats you poorly? Do you sue an individual because of their opinion, albeit misguided?

Now I'm staying out of politics and race relations. The end.

At first I thought I looked weird in the picture as I pick food off of Robyn's plate. But then I realized that her husband and Vinny (w/hat)...well, they look way worse.




Sunday morning. A great time for chores, at least that's what I always seem to be doing on Sunday mornings. I've been lax in laundry and assorted other chores, and Patty is coming in just a few short days (THURSDAY) and I'm getting the house ready for her white glove treatment. I'm actually hoping she wears black gloves that are stain resistent, because my cottage isn't conducive to being dust, bug or hair free. Its a special place all its own.

Yesterday I went to the Navy-Rutgers game with Robyn, Andrew and their friend Vinny. It was a lot of fun, and as always, they introduced me to some nice people. We all had a good time, tailgating before the game (it was very elaborate-about 100 people and everyone was just as friendly as they could be), and then watching the Midshipmen march into the stadium, where we pegged them with candy and high fives. Robyn and I were having a ball, but then we started laughing at ourselves because the guys all wore badges for when the graduated and let's just say when the hottie who's badge said "2010" said "hey ladies" we felt a little sick to our stomach. Robyn's husband said that the boys were just happy as clams when they got to us, and he had to laugh because they were tripping over themselves. We gave candy to the girls and just high fives to the boys...those boys didn't need any extra attention. Oh, by the way, Rutgers shut out Navy 34-0. Oh well, the F/A-18 flyover was pretty cool...though I pretty much get to see that every day of my life working where I work, but still.

So I should probably get back to more chores. I also need to figure out how to turn on my heat. The thermostat doesn't appear to do too much. This should be fun!

Assorted Comments

Today has been an interesting day. I started out the morning with a compliment on my skirt. As I looked down I realized that skirt was inside out. AWESOME! Then I went to a funeral for a co-workers, and it was very emotional. There was a really neat slideshow of him when we walked in and it made me realize how the people that sit and annoy us in meetings are much more than the job they have. This person was so multi-dimensional, and he wasn't just the "Pedro from Tech Data" he was a father, husband, and son to a family who loved him very much. It was really quite moving and reminded me to look at people in a different light.

I also booked a flight to see Lindsay, Dan and Draigan for Thanksgiving. I'm really excited about the trip. We made the decision for me to fly into Las Vegas and we'll have a little visit there, which should be nice. I've never been and the hotel wasn't too pricey, so we'll spend one evening in Vegas as my flight out is fairly early the next day. I'm really excited about helping Lindsay with cooking. If I do say so myself, I've got some mad Thanksgiving cooking skills, and I hope I can show some of them off. Lindsay, we'll have to go over recipes!!

Changes

Sometimes song lyrics just speak to you, you know? I am trying so hard to find what I want in life, but I keep making wrong choices. I keep making decisions that are sort of "old habits die hard" kinds of things, and not concentrating on myself. Who really knows how to "heal thyself"? I journal, I go to counseling, I have been going way outside my comfort zone, and I just keep feeling like I get burned. I also keep letting people take advantage of me, and that sucks. I should change that, I keep letting myself get taken advantage of. I'm the one in control, and I often forget that as I'm trying to make friends and not hurt other people. I've been sort of dating this guy Chris, and this weekend he really hurt my feelings. Which is hilarious, because I never really liked him much in the first place, but his rejection somehow hurt me. Its not that he rejected me...its how he did, and it really knocked me out for a few rounds. I'm much less mad about him than I am about myself. I guess its all part of learning and growing. I just wish I'd had the opportunity to go through all these changes when most people are lucky enough to; in college. I never had time to find myself until now. And its really hard. Instead of learning what I want, I seem to be ticking off the "well, I don't want that". I guess its all part of growing up. At twenty six years old.




I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm blind and shaken'
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes

Three Doors Down: Changes

A River Runs Through It

I went camping with my friend Chris and some friends of his this weekend at Swallow Falls in Western Maryland. It was pretty fun, although it was very cold. The second day we were there we hiked over to the falls and took some photos. I had a good time trying out my camera and realize that I have a lot to learn. I thought this picture was framed really well, but I am not the one who took it. Notice that the sweatshirt is a Goonies sweatshirt, which was Chris' and is now mine. I don't care if he wants it back, its the least I deserve from him. (Loooooong story)

The park was really beautiful and I realize that I like camping. A lot. I would prefer to camp with people I'm a little better friends with and I'd like a lot less drinking and a lot more hiking. There were 6 of us and 120 beers were consumed in 3 days. That is ridiculous. I think I can take credit for 10 total. The math doesn't look good for the others. Another lesson in "this isn't the way I want to live", but I guess sometimes you have to learn that from experience.

I think this picture is my favorite. The falls were gorgeous and the river was so beautiful too. I just loved the sound that it made and I felt so peaceful there. I could have spent the entire day there, but I think I was the only one that who enjoyed sobriety.

Two more pictures. I have a ton and I think I may make a slide show. Not that pictures of a river are too exciting, but it was a nice chance to experiment a little bit with my camera. Now I need to learn Photoshop a little better.

Body Issues

This morning was a rough one. I put on jeans (though its Thursday, I have a terribly long day and jeans were the decided attire for it) and an orange sweater. I left the house. Then I turned around at the end of my street b/c I looked down at my huge thighs and said "there's got to be something better than this." I went home and kept changing pants for about 10 minutes and finally, in tears, I put the jeans on that I had been wearing. I get to work and I ask my cube mates, "are these jeans terrible?" They were like "no, but the sweater is too short for them." ARGH!! Do you do that? You "marry" yourself to one particular article of clothing that is actually the problem? The sweater is cute, but it just doesn't go with lower waisted clothing.

I'm starting to get nervous about my impending social situations of the weekend. I am going camping with people that I don't know very well...and that makes my nerves go insane. This is all part of getting outside of my comfort zone. This is WAY outside too.

I've also decided that I'm such a fatty that I have to go back on Weight Watchers. I've gained 10 lbs since I returned from Florida, and I haven't be exercising as much as I'd like to. So I am recommitting to the weightloss and fitness effort. I'm not too far from my goal and if I could lose 80 lbs, then I can lose 15 more.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Slowing My Roll

I have a friend that always tells me to "slow my roll". I'm taking his advice, especially after my last two weeks of being crazy-busy. I did have a pretty hectic weekend, but it was a great time and I didn't get overwhelmed, so it was worth the middle of the night homework session on Saturday. On Friday I went out for sushi with Sarah, which as always, was a great conversation and left me happy all night. The sushi was pretty good too, but the service was terrible, which made me sad because I really want a great sushi place to go to in this area.

On Saturday I went to a Renaissance Festival, which was way out of my element. First of all, I couldn't give a crap about the time period and I'm also not really into drama. (Real life drama, yes, make believe, no!) This is going to sound catty, but I'm definitely not into overweight women in very tight bodices that usually feature a bare midriff and me vomiting up my mead and turkey leg. It was a sight. I see it from two perspectives. One, I am totally uncomfortable with my body and I really respect that people are willing to be comfortable in those clothes. And yet, I also felt very repulsed by some of the sights that I saw and some of it was just in poor taste. Camel toe is not Renaissance.

On Sunday, Marc and I had a birthday party for our cat, little Fernie. She turned 7 and was very happy that her daddy came over for the occasion. We took lots of pictures, which I will surely post as they are embarassing to both me and the cat. Marc was awesome- he helped me clean up my yard and other outdoor projects and I really appreciated that he went above and beyond. I owe him one-I'm pretty sure it will come in the form of helping him with flower beds at the old house.

As I'm trying to "slow my roll", I kept a low profile yesterday, and just went to the gym for an hour or so and then went home to catch up on grad school homework. Tonight I think I'm going to meet a couple of friends from work after the gym and go out for a beer, as John's wife and baby are out of town and he has "clearance" from her to go out and have fun. I thought that was really funny.

This weekend I am going camping, and I'm pretty pumped about that. I'm going with a bunch of people that I don't know, so that is a little nerve-wracking, but it should be ok. A couple of them went to Purdue, so I'm sure we'll get along swimmingly because (most) Boilermakers are fantastic people!

Not sure why I just gave a "schedule of events" for myself. There's not much going on. I have a ton of grad school work, I'm trying to get time to do some photography (looking into a class) and I'm patietently waiting to hear from work if I get to go to California as early as November 1st. Wish me luck!

Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For You?

I think it is fair to say that I am a tad overstressed. Self-induced stress, but overstressed nonetheless. I have a problem saying "no" to people. Is it that I need the acceptance? I want everyone to love me so I bend over backwards for them? I think that is all true and it stops NOW. I've had a cold for a week now that I just can't shake because I haven't been getting much rest and I've been going out about every night this week. Except Wednesday. Let me share with you my wonderful Wednesday.

On Wednesday morning I'm excited because I don't have anything except Grad School class in the evening. I made a list of things that I had to do; litterboxes, dishes, laundry and REST. Then I get a call from my friend Chris who asks if I am busy that night. I say "yes, but I guess we could hang out on Thursday." Long story short, I invite Chris over for dinner. I've decided I'm making Spinach and Feta Meatloaf*, which my friend Robyn made several weeks ago and it was delicious. She made it in a slow cooker (I've now been told meatloaf in a slow cooker may not be the best idea, but we'll get to that.) so I figured I would do so as well, so it could cook while I'm at work on Thursday and I would come home to a meal ready-to-eat. (Little Military joke there.) So I'm getting all the ingredients together at home and then I realize I don't have any breadcrumbs. No biggie, I'll just omit them. I also had to omit the milk because although I thought I bought plain soy milk I actually splashed the meatloaf with vanilla soy milk. Awesome! Its about 9:15 at this point and I start looking for the crockpot. I can't find it. I call Marc (whom I'd just called about the breadcrumbs as I'd remembered buying them) and he said "oh yeah, your crock pot is right here." So in my pajamas I drive over to his house, get the crockpot (and breadcrumbs, why not?) and then start my drive back. I was FLYING down the road because I was so overtired and so busy. To no real surprise I saw the boys in blue behind me and I got pulled over. The look of surprise on the officer's face was worth a million bucks. I was so disheveled, with my wet hair, pajamas and flipflops, I'm pretty sure she thought she was going to get me for DWI (which I will never do, so that's highly impossible). I was going 70 in a 50. After about 10 minutes of waiting (see how speeding doesn't pay), she came back and said "I wrote you a ticket for going 59 in a 50, so its just one point and $75, instead of 3 points and $500. Of course I said "thank you" and slowly made my way home. I finally get everything done at about 10:15 and I finally get to bed.

The next morning I put the meatloaf in the crockpot, as well as some potatoes for the meal. Easy right? I set it on low and get going. I come home at 5 to a sort of "eh" smell. Yes, of course I burned the meatloaf (I guess there wasn't enough moisture in the crockpot) and the pototoes had completely disinegrated (they looked ashy). I decided not to panic. If a friend can't appreciate that I tried to make a meal then he's no friend of mine. He was actually fairly nice about it, though I would have appreciated he being a little nicer, but oh well. Since I burned the pototoes I made a microwaveable pasta dish and he focused on eating a lot of that. Can I blame him?

So my meatloaf adventure cost me $100 in the short term and God only knows how much in the long term with the hike in my insurance rate. I'd like to get community service instead of the ticket, but I don't like how passivly you get a court date. You just don't pay your bill and then they mail one to you. That makes me feel like I'm in default or something.

That's what being overtired and overstressed does to you. I think Marc put it best when he said I really needed the speeding ticket to let ME slow down, not just in the car but in life in general. Amen to that.

*In the recipe, which is actually quite good, I used dried onion soup mix instead of carrots/onions as I hate carrots and onions. It is also pretty important to add seasoning, as the spinach is fairly flavorless. Its quite a good recipe though and I'd like to perfect it. I've got nowhere to go but up!

CR-V Woes: What do I crave?

Do I crave my old (2005) CR-V, with its grocery-getter styling?

Or the new (2007) CR-V, with its desire to look like the Acura RDX?

Honestly? Neither. I only got a little SUV because Marc and I had planned on having children next year and I figured I'd get it when my lease ran out on my old car. Well, what is the point of having it now? (There is a pretty good argument that I didn't need it then, but it has hauled an awful lot of things that our other car wouldn't have been able to handle.) I've made the decision that if I move to California for good I will be buying a much more economical vehicle, most likely the Honda Civic, as that is what I (as well as Marc) wanted in the first place. It doesn't hurt that my car has been acting crazy since I first got it, and recently the water pump went out and I need to get that fixed (luckily its under warranty). So enough complaining. I do love my car, I do love the Hondas, and in general, I've been nothing but happy. But I do crave the new styling. Its pretty sweet.

"There's not a whole lot of ways this can go right."

**of course I have pictures to add. And of course blogger isn't being agreeable**

Last night I had the pleasure of viewing the film Jackass: Number Two. First we can all laugh at the clever way they involved toilet humor in the title itself. They know no bounds. Let me first explain that I was told that a “big group of us go to movies on Tuesday, we’d love to have you join us”. This group was supposed to include a lot of gals, and a lot of people that went to Purdue. Can you guess that the only ones in attendance were myself and four guys? I asked the one “I thought your girlfriend was coming?” He replied, “she wouldn’t see this movie, even for me!” So I was stuck. And by stuck I mean, having a great time, because I love the Jackass movies. It may stem from my undying love for Johnny Knoxville, or the fact that I like watching people hurt themselves for money. Lots of money. Jackass Number Two grossed $28.1 million in its first weekend. That’s pretty good for a bunch of guys that probably can’t even get insured.

I'd also like to note that although I have had far too many drinks on several occasions in my life, I have never been drunk enough to do any of the stuff they do. Which leads me to believe the obvious, that they are under the influence of drugs way stronger than alcohol. Their pain thresholds never cease to amaze me...and make me wish that I had maybe a quarter of that skill so I could handle things like "hammer to the thumb" and the like.

I don't want to share too much about the movie as some may want to be surprised by the idiocy they cracked open for this one. I will say that I laughed fairly heartily at a some of the Spike Jonze stuff, and I was disappointed that there was less of "Party Boy" Chris Pontius, who is one of my favorites. Of course Tony Hawk showed up, for a pretty good stunt with a gauntlet, and Luke Wilson made an appearance in the credits.

When I first started watching Jackass, I felt really bad for Bam Margera’s parents, Phil and April. I don’t feel bad for them at all. Their son is making BANK and they are surely being compensated and well cared for in all of this. I also used to find Jackass highly offensive, as they are often doing penis-related activities. Not so offensive to me anymore. I realized that they aren’t hurting anyone (except themselves) and that people can choose to watch the programs. I don’t ever watch the tv show anymore, but I’ll say it was pretty enjoyable and whenever I hear the twang of the Jackass theme, I just have to smile. And wince.

**I'd also like to note that I was talking to Marc about his visit to Salt Lake City with our friend Jamie, and he said they watched a movie called The Dudesons, which is akin to Jackass, and it actually came out first. Apparently the Jackass guys are in the movie, as is the Bloodhound Gang, which pleases me greatly. I'll have to get this movie. Maybe when Patty is in town, as she is the one who got me interested in Jackass in the first place. In fact, the last time we were in Maryland together we watched Jackass, so maybe it will be a tradition. Maybe**

Helps!!

Anyone have any suggestions for a new blog name? I'm obviously not doing the marathon this year so it is a little silly to even pretend I'm working on running and the like.

Also, I'm having a heck of a time finding a blog template of any value. I think I may need to just come up with my own. Which means this blog will be a mess for awhile.

Any suggestions would be great.

I'd like to name the blog "Its Kate-tacular" but I think that may only be funny to me. Right now!

Sleeping Beauty & the Colts

That's right, I'm calling myself a beauty. Let the sickie have some vanity, ok? Yesterday I spent the entire day on my couch. I slept the whole day, with the exception of a few minutes of phone calls that came in during my slumber. I think I managed to sleep about 19 hours yesterday, and I'm feeling a little bit better today, though I still have all the cold symptoms, but I'm going to take it easy this week. I was just a social butterfly last week and I think that's why I got sick in the first place. I need my rest!

I'm also in need of some positive thinking. I need some good wishes and praying that I get the opportunity to do my current job in California. At the very least, it will be for 3 months, but it may turn into a permenant position. I was very worried that I was "running away from my problems" by going to California, but now I'm starting to think it just might be the best thing. I love my job, but if I can do it in another location that may be best. Wish me luck, I should find out more this week. Regardless of this job opportunity, I'll still be in San Diego from January-March, so at least I'll get away for a little while.

Hooray for my friend Lindsay and her husband Dan. Dan returned from Iraq on Saturday, safe and sound! Lindsay sent me some pictures from the Homecoming and I cried like a little baby. It was so nice to see those brave men and women returning to their families, the look of love and happiness in their eyes. I'm tearing up again! So thank you to Dan, Lindsay and Draigan, and all the military families that are sacrificing for our freedoms!


A little more football news! GO COLTS!!!!
My boys are doing well this year and it makes me happy. They managed to win even though I wasn't watching the game nor wearing a jersey, so I can finally accept that what I am wearing, doing or thinking, has no bearing on my team. Thank goodness because that stressed me out a lot. Its kind of hard to keep loving the Colts. It reminds me so much of happy and fun times with Marc and it makes me sad. I mean, I got engaged at a Colts game and its very hard not to think of that when I watch our boys in blue. Oh well, it can remain a happy memory and I can continue to enjoy them...but still.

Homecoming Win!

Thank goodness for this win. I have never been a fan of Minnesota and it makes me very happy to see Purdue with another win this season. It was our first Big 10 game, but thus far we're undefeated. I'm hoping that we can keep it up, though I don't have a lot of faith in it. The Boilers are my team, but they haven't been consistent lately.

Its hard to not be able to see any of the games. I listen to them on XM Radio, but the pain of that is that I have to sit in my car. I've been sick this weekend (head cold) so I haven't been in the mood for it.

I met some people last weekend that were going to Purdue for Homecoming and they invited me a long. I went last year with Marc while he played in the band, but I think I'd rather not go on a 5 state trip when I just met them. Alright, I'm going to go celebrate with a nice cup of tea and a nap!

I've Been Hiding

Ok, not really, but I've been busy with my class for work as well as grad school so I've sort of been under the radar lately. Well, at least on Blogger, as I've sort of become a "social butterfly" in the So. MD area (yeah right). Actually, I have been much more social than usual, meeting new people, attending parties and the like, and NOT drinking. Such a wonderful thing. I realized this weekend how much fun it is to be the designated driver. It really isn't that bad. I can still enjoy a couple of beers if we're staying for a long time and I can "fake drink" and hold a cup in my hand so I don't look too awkward. I met a lot of nice people this weekend and made some new friends. Robyn and her husband Andrew have been so good to me. They said that they are glad we have more time to hang out now (though not about the circumstances surrounding why we can hang out more.)

I've got a busy week this week as well. I went out to dinner last night with friends and I'm having a friend over for dinner and a movie this evening. Tomorrow I have class (blech) and Thursday I'm finally going to get to run for the week. Friday I have to take my car up to Waldorf and Robyn is going to join me to keep me company and to go to the mall (yeah!). My car has been acting crazy, and it also smells like garbage, so I'm not so happy with it right now. Saturday I'm going to the St. Muurry's County Fair with my friend Murthlyn, as its her birthday and all she seems to want is a funnel cake. I can oblige. I'm hoping to watch some football on Sunday. My friend Ben seems interested in me doing that with him as well, so it seems like a good plan.

Well, that's about it. I don't know if any of you read Marc's blog (Mild Amusement for the Masses) but he's had some pretty funny stuff on there lately. Check it out if you're in the mood.