Friday, February 29, 2008

An Extra Day

I was sitting here watching a Tivo'd Star Trek Enterprise (do I need to say how much I love Tripp?) when I realized that this is an extra day this year. That extra 24 hours that I've needed for awhile...unfortunately the whole rest of the world didn't stop so I could make good use of these hours, but they are mine (and yours) nonetheless so I've tried to make the best of them. I finished my mid-term for Marketing, I ordered a great meditation cd from Scott Cole, I caught up on some work emails, I played some Wii (at work!) to test out our new AV system at the office, made some sushi, had a glass of yummy Reisling, and snuggled with my little fur-boy. Oh how I love the Yukester! The rest of the evening should be spent with a little more wine, some tv or a movie with Mircea, and some well deserved sleep.

It was a beautiful sunny day here and it made me realize that although a lot of stuff makes me unhappy (usually my own negativity) there is so much wonderful in this world that God gave us. It's the focusing on that good stuff and not dwelling on the bad stuff that's pretty hard to do, but I know I have to do it to stay happy.

Right Foot, Left Food, Breathe In, Breathe Out

I've started running again. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it, but judging the size of my ass, I've been away much too long. I ran on Tuesday and it went much better than I expected. I was able to do a run/walk that consisted of run 5, walk 3, and I felt pretty good about it. I'm going to start following the Couch to 5k running plan, but I'm going to start on Week 4 to help avoid injuries, etc. I felt really good running and although there was a lot of extra jiggling I hadn't felt in a long time, I felt strong and peaceful like I always used to when running.

I'm sick and tired of this yo-yo diet/exercise bullshit. I am so upset that I commited 2 years of my life to getting in shape and forming proper eating habits, only to throw it all away since going to San Diego (like the healthiest place ever) and moving back to Maryland. I don't know if it's just that I've been so busy with school and trying to be a good "house girl" to Mircea or if I truly was just mawing down food and leading a completely sedentary life, but I'm just so fed up. I'm the fat/skinny/fat girl. I'm the one people talk about and say, "oh she's in her fat season. You should see how nice she looks when she isn't a pig." I'm just ashamed of throwing away all the hard work that I did. I know I'm supposed to get up and brush myself off, but it's so hard. I want to be the beautiful, strong, fit girl that I was going into 2007. Now I'm a scared little fat girl who is afraid of her own shadow and lost all the confidence of the woman who was happy and in love.

I am sorry I'm so "weepy" or whatever the hell I am anymore. I want to just enjoy my life, not be in this constant state of flux. It seems like I can't get all the variables lined up at the right time. When I'm happy I think I don't deserve it and I push it (or feed it) all away. It's just ridiculous and I wonder when I'll ever just be back to my old self. The old self is the person that is happy and confident and active. Not this blob of a person I've been on and off for the past several years. I'm so frustrated.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Stepping Closer to the Light at the End of the Tunnel

**I just thought this was a nice sentiment**

Hard times are inevitable--death, financial struggle, family problems, the loss of a job, depression--all of these tough times are just seasons. Abraham Lincoln once said, "This too shall pass," and you can apply it to both the good times and the bad. The thrill of a new relationship won't endure forever, just as the grief of losing a loved one won't either. So endure the hardships of life, knowing that time will eventually heal your wounds and you will make it through. Think about what struggles have occurred in your life and what they taught you. No matter how dim the light at the end of the tunnel seems, it is still a light. Each day is an opportunity for that light of hope to get closer and closer, until eventually the clouds above your head part and you feel the forgotten sunshine on you again. Overcoming pain makes you stronger and better equipped to handle the next valley.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

I have no title. I am without title.

I forgot how much I love television. I went over to the house yesterday to use the internet and I found myself just watching television with my little fur baby Yukon. We had such a nice time, cuddling and watching the boob tube. Then I made some of my world famous French Onion soup with my special croutons. It was delicious, and both Mircea and Yukie were happy boys and I was their happy girl. When I woke up this morning Mircea had already left for work (he's been working 10 hrs/7 days a week and that will continue for two more weeks) so Yukie and I just cuddle and stayed warm under the covers all morning. It was just nice. I love cuddling with Fern and Lily, but Yukon is the superior huggy bear for me.

Tonight I'm making the recipe from Recipe Thursday and I'll try to take some pictures. Hopefully it will be tasty.

I really have nothing going on and I should probably just stop blogging if I have nothing to say. Right now I'm focusing a lot on myself. I refuse to be upset about the things that have bothered me in the past and have forgiven myself for being the human that I am. I have made mistakes. I have not been the best friend, daughter, girlfriend, etc., and I am sorry for what I had done to others in the past, but I am going to move on and forgive myself and I hope those people can do the same for me. We'll see how the next few months go and I'll see where the next year will take me. This past year has had some ups and downs, but in the end, I'm alive, I'm fairly healthy, and I've got my whole life ahead of me. 27 1/2 years down-hopefully a lot more to go!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Resurrected Recipe Thursday

Basil Pesto Shrimp Macaroni and Cheese

1 lb medium shrimp
8 ounces dried elbow macaroni(2 cups)
2 eggs lightly beaten
1/4 cup butter melted
1 cup half and half
1 1/4 cups shredded Fontina Cheese(5 oz.) (my friend couldn't find it and substituted fresh mozzarella)
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons pine nuts, toasted (she omitted the pine nuts)
1 1/2 cups lightly packed fresh basil leaves, chopped

1 Fresh or frozen shrimp can be used. If frozen, thaw before preparing recipe. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Peel and devein shrimp, removing tails. Rinse shrimp; pat dry with paper towels. Chop shrimp and set aside.
2 Cook macaroni according to package directions. Drain and keep warm.
3 In large bowl stir together eggs, butter, half-and-half, 1 cup of the fontina cheese, 1/4 cup of the Parmesan cheese, garlic, pine nuts, chopped basil, and 1/4 teaspoons each salt and pepper. Stir in shrimp and macaroni. Transfer to buttered 2-quart casserole. Top with remaining cheeses.
4 Bake, uncovered, 40 to 45 minutes or until heated through and shrimp pieces are opaque. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I Liked the Weekend So Much I Extended it to Wednesday

While it was nice to have a long weekend, it was also pretty annoying to be feeling sick and pressured in studying for my Econ test (which I'm still not understanding). I did some interesting stuff though and the weekend left me thinking about my relationships with friends and family and where I fall into it all. I didn't spent too long being introspective, but thought a lot about what I want in life. In case anyone gives a damn, here's what I did all weekend.

Friday: Mircea brought a movie over and we ate some yummy chinese food. The movie was Bound by Honor and it was surprisingly fantastic. It really got to me and I dreamed about it for several nights, but I really did enjoy it.

Saturday: Mircea and I took a two hour drive up to Fairfax to eat at Todai, which is a sushi/seafood buffet. It was very good and the price was right, so we gorged ourselves on sushi for our Valentine's lunch. We were going to go to a musuem, but we got confused on our directions, so we drove a total of 4 hours for cheap sushi, but it was a pretty good experience. We'll definitely go there again if we're in the area, but we probably won't make a day of it! We went back to his house and watched The Hand that Rocks the Cradle and he kept saying "wow, this woman (Rebecca DeMornay) really knows how to work it."

Sunday: I met Robyn, Andrew and Ben and we bowled in the afternoon and then met a friend up in Waldorf. It was pretty fun, but the main reason for us meeting the friend was for us to ask him to stop sexually harassing us all the time. He is constantly making sexual jokes (he's on our bowling team) and he seems slightly obsessed with me, calling me at all hours and drukenly telling me how great I am. We'll see if he gets the picture, otherwise, we're quitting bowling. That's sexual harassment and I don't have to take it!

Monday: More sushi with Ben. Watched a lot of Seinfeld. Took Mircea some chicken soup and cough drops because he was sick.

Tuesday: Studied all day for the Econ test, still don't completely get it, but I'll keep trying.

Wednesday: I'm ready to attempt the Econ test and can only hope for the best.

Hope you all had a good weekend! It's almost time for another one!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.
Veronica A. Shoffstall

Photo Essay-An Interesting Journey

I saw this on my friend Chantelle's site and decided that I've got nothing but free time to do this. (Note: if you are using blogger, upload the LAST photo you want on the page first so that they will come up in order...I can tell you from experience that it is a long painful process getting it back up.)

The rules are as follows: Answer the questions by typing in the answer into Google images. Use the first picture that you see in Google image to answer the question. Oh the fun you'll have!

1. Age on your next birthday: It's 28, not 9 green birds.

2. A place you'd like to visit: Japan. Ahh, how I dream of prancing around Japan.

3. Your favorite place: Sweet Home San Diego (where the skies are so blue)

4. Favorite Object: I really enjoy writing in my journal. This is not my journal.

5. Favorite Food: Sushi, because raw food dressed in rice is the best food ever.

6. Favorite animal: Cat. Not this cat, but I think cats are cute. And since I have so many, I guess they are my favorite animal.

7. Favorite Color: Gray. And this picture is pretty cool.

8. City where you were born: Good old Cincy!

9. City where you currently live: Sadly, a photo of a man on the sex offender list is the first photo that came up on this search. Is that funny? Or really, really terrifying?

10. Name of pet: Fernie. And this is a picture of Fernie, BC, a vacation destination that I'd love to take but probably wouldn't appreciate all that much. Since we know how poorly I do at skiing.

11. Name of love: Mircea isn't an easy name to come by. And I don't love this guy. His hair is nuts!

12. Nickname/Screename: I typed in Kateypooh and got a picture from this blog of the stones that Mircea and I put in front of the house.

13. Middle name: Renee. I don't really care for Miss Zellweger. Or however you spell it.

14. Last name: At least it isn't a picture of a clarinet.

15. A bad habit: Teeth grinding. And this is the freaky picture that I got. Oh, I totally get it now!

16. First job: The proud art of detassling corn. My group had a lot more Mexicans in it than this.

17. Dream Job: Playing with puppies and kitties. Isn't this pup cute?

18. Current job: Logistics Analyst for the Navy. Wow, I guess my trend is going up. Whatever that means.

19. Funny picture: HA!

20. Picture that inspires you: Joshua Tree National Park at Night

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

30 Cookies in 48 Hours Leads to a lot of Problems

I have an addiction problem. I am not to be trusted around cookies, particularly Girl Scout cookies. Since Monday morning, I have indulged in two, that's right, two full boxes of Samoas cookies. That's a total of 30 cookies. That is a total of, are you ready, 120 grams of fat, in cookies alone. I feel terrible. And not just the mental ramifications of eating that many cookies. Physically, I feel as though I've consumed a lot of waxy, coconuty, fake chocolate pain. My belly is just churning. CHURNING!

This was a valuable lesson. I really need to cut out sweets from my life. I always over indulge and I wonder why I have had a lot of trouble keeping the weight off (not taking into account my new, sedentary lifestyle).

So no more. No more cookies. No more fat, nasty thighs, belly, and rear-end. I've got to take control of this because I'm not happy with myself, certainly not after eating all those cookies. I realize that these items can be enjoyed in moderation, but my brain knows no moderation when it comes to stuffing my face with desserts.

bad cookie, bad
Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You have been the one, the one that made me fat!

Monday, February 11, 2008

100 Things About Me

I copied PhotoMommy's idea here. Not sure how I felt about it, but looked at it as a "journey".

100 Things About Kateypooh

1. I despise my last name
2. I don’t like when people call me Katie, but if they called me Katey it wouldn’t matter. It’s only a spelling difference, but it counts for me as an adult.
3. I have what I consider to be, the prettiest eyes I’ve ever seen (conceited much)
4. I have had braces twice and my front tooth still wants to be crooked
5. I wish I was married
6. I wish I had children
7. I want to go to my high school reunion but haven’t heard anything about it
8. I’m very proud of participating in the McGuire’s Running club in Pensacola, FL
9. I don’t have as many friends as I wish I did, though I love the friends I have
10. I always wished I was more popular in school
11. I feel guilty about my behavior as a small child. As if the 27 year old I currently am has any control over that.
12. I love that Lindsay named me the guardian of her son.
13. That is the most honored I have ever been.
14. I don’t like when there is nudity in movies. At all.
15. I stopped being a vegetarian because I’d realized I’d eaten Baked Lays BBQ chips and they have chicken fat in them.
16. I’m not as good at avoiding trans fat as I’d like to be.
17. I’m really sick of moving
18. I’d like a place to call home
19. Sometimes I wonder if I am the root of all my problems
20. I am better at repairing a relationship then just enjoying the fun of it
21. I’m afraid I’m too much like my dad
22. I’m even more afraid that I’m too much like my mom
23. I still wish my Dad hadn’t gotten remarried so quickly after my mom died
24. I’m glad he’s happy, but it was still hurtful
25. I wish I made more money
26. Actually, I make “good money” on paper, I wish I knew where all that money went
27. I am a terrible bowler though I’m part of a bowling league. I’m the worst in the league
28. I really want a dog
29. Sometimes I wish that I didn’t have cats because no one clals people the “crazy dog lady”
30. I talk too much
31. I’m very insecure about myself
32. I’m not sure why people like me
33. I feel insecure at work
34. I don’t dress as well at work as I probably should
35. I did terribly on my SATs
36. I still got into Purdue
37. I wouldn’t have been able to get into Purdue now if my score was the same
38. I really miss living with Mircea
39. I really wish he was “the one” for me
40. I’m not so sure that he is
41. I never buy shoes that I end up liking
42. I’m afraid of wearing makeup
43. I think it’s because my mom caked on make-up when she was “high” on her medication
44. I still feel guilty about my mom’s drug problem
45. My mom tried to commit suicide when I was a kid
46. I was very embarrassed of my family when I was young
47. My dad still often embarrasses me because he can be socially inept
48. I really love my dad and I miss him like crazy
49. As an adult, I realize how foolish I’ve been in the past several years
50. I regret not marrying Marc
51. But know that it was the best thing that ever happened to both of us
52. I’m jealous of Marc’s new girlfriend because he seems to love her more than he EVER loved me
53. I wish that I had found the greatest happiness ever after he and I ended our relationship
54. I really thought I had with Mircea
55. My back tooth really hurts
56. I’m sick of dental work
57. I don’t know why my blonde hair gets darker brown every year
58. I like to get my eye brows waxed
59. I’ve never worn eye liner
60. I think lipstick looks so stupid on me
61. I don’t want girl children. I want boys
62. I’ll pretty much take any children at this point.
63. I often consider leaving my job
64. and going back to school to be a Vetenarian
65. Not sure I could hack it though. I’m probably not good at surgery
66. I wish I was smarter than I am
67. I wish I was prettier than I am
68. I don’t know why my weight has become such a problem as I’ve grown older
69. Maybe it’s karma for not understanding the weight problems of others
70. I have a girl friend that I think has the same face a Chris Farley
71. I’m never going to tell her that
72. I wish I had better table manners
73. I thought I was decent at skiing
74. I was wrong
75. I hate that I pick fights with those I love because I’m afraid of being loved
76. Its hard for me to give Mircea “his space”
77. It’s hard for me to trust people because I don’t think I’m good enough for them
78. I have three cats: Fern, Lily and Yukon
79. I don’t like Lily all that much
80. I think I might like Yukon better than Fern
81. I fear that I’ll be single forever
82. I really want to have babies
83. If I could afford it, I’d get braces for the 3rd time
84. I really want to get a tattoo of a horse shoe but I won't get it
85. People say I make funny faces-that makes me sad because I don't mean to.
86. I am terrible at math
87. I cheated on a math test in grad school. It was supposed to be closed book but I used my book. Still didn’t do very well, but I feel really guilty
88. I think my grad degree is a sham. Maybe because of #87
89. I think I am good at cooking
90. I think that people don't really like me and can't take me seriously
91. I’m terrible at baking
92. I think it’s because I don’t follow directions well
93. My favorite color is gray
94. I wish I was wealthy
95. I want to fall in love and have someone love me “best”
96. I miss Marc’s sister Carly. She was the closest thing I ever had to a sister and I really miss her
97. I don’t miss Marc’s mom. Not one bit
98. I’m afraid that I’ll die alone.
99. I am not going to vote this year
100. I’m not sure how I feel about these 100 facts about me. I’d rather answer questions then try to come up with stuff on my own.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Hypochondriac or Immune System Deficiency?

Well folks, after bragging to the world that I haven't been sick in a long time (did not get the Christmas plague that I've enjoyed for about 6 years in a row) I've managed to pick up some sore throat/phlegm disease and feel like crap. I always pick up stuff when people tell me that they have something. I felt fine all day yesterday. FINE. At the end of the day my friend Jenny said "I've got a sore throat, I'm going to make a doctor's appointment". I backed away from her and then on the drive home my throat started to hurt. At the grocery store it was worse, by the time I got home it was on fire. I woke up this morning and it hurt so badly I wanted to cry (but I'm a big girl and I didn't.) How the hell do I get sick so often? Anyone suggests it to me and I'm incapacitated. (first I typed decapitated) Ridiculous.

In other news, I drove by this little house that I saw on the Internet. Its on 3 acres, looks like a cute little house, and has a lot of potential. We'll see how that all turns out.

Also, remember my trip out to California (instead of a wedding.) I have been plagued by dreams of the guy that I spent the day with. To the point of ridiculous. Our friendship ended on this really strange note. That day he'd tried to kiss me goodbye. I said "not today, any day but today" (since it was supposed to be my wedding day.) I talked to him on the phone a couple times and it went really well. And then he was gone. For weeks. No contact. I deleted his phone number b/c I didn't need this. Then he'd email me out of the blue and say he was thinking of me. I'd write back and then not hear from him for weeks. He haunts the hell out of me. He was such a great friend through all that I was going through (I'd met him at my bacheloerette party oddly enough) and I really miss him. Still. Can't forget about him. So yeah, not sure why I'm telling people this, but it is just driving me crazy.

I'm pretty sure this is why I can't forget him...
He's HOT!

I do want to put this disclaimer out here. It's not like I'm wildly in love with this guy, don't care about Mircea (though he's been a FART FACE), but this guy has been bugging the hell out of my psyche for such a long time. It's just too much.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

It's Like a Dentist's Clean Every Time!

I did it. I finally splurged on an awesome toothbrush. I bought the Sonicare Elite 7500 and I absolutely love it. I've only used it for two days and it is fan-flippin-tastic. I always thought to myself that the people on the commericials were just pretending. There's no way that a toothbrush can be that awesome. I was wrong. My teeth are so sparkly clean and smooth and wonderful. It has this sweet little 2 minute timer thingie that tells me when to switch the quadrant in my mouth. The only thing I don't like is that it sort of tickles a little bit when I'm brushing the insides of my teeth, but I assume I'll get used to it.

I got an awesome deal on it too. We have a store called BJs that is similar to Sam's Club and it was two for the price of one-but just one charger. The way I see it, if Mircea is a good boy he can have the other one...but if he's not I'll save it for my real prince charming. (He has been a very good boy though, but only time will tell how we turn out.)

Monday, February 04, 2008

I'll Take Any Manning Over a Brady

I had a really good time watching the Super Bowl last night. I know I should root for the AFC team, but I'm sick and tired of their smug attitudes. They are good. I enjoy watching the Pats play...but I don't like their attitudes, particularly Junior Seau and Ted Bruschi. I don't love Tom "Hollywood" Brady, but I don't hate him, and sometimes he can be humble, but rarely. Enough about that.

Go Giants! Very good game to watch, totally enjoyable and full of drama. The Giants really did play a great game and held their own. Kudos to them. Great article on the subject.

Main highlights of the Super Bowl:

When the score was 10-7, Mircea and I kept yelling "Defense" against the other team. Because if the game had ended with a 0 and a 7 as the last numbers of the score then we'd have won a cool $1,000. Once the Pats scored we were like "ok, everyone score way more so we can get up to another 0-7 combination". We didn't win money, but at least the Giants won!
Having a really fun night with my sweetie. We went out to our favorite bar/restaurant and watched the game with a couple of his friends that I haven't seen in a long time. It was nice catching up and it was great to have so much fun with Mircea. It has been awhile, but it sure reminded me of the way things used to be!

Friday, February 01, 2008

Are You Ready for the Weekend?

This has been a very interesting week for me. I’ve had a lot of time for introspection and self-soothing as I don’t have television or any other interruptions (plus my Wednesday class was cancelled). I’ve learned a lot about myself in this short amount of time and have spent a lot of time piecing together the roots of the insecurities and fears that I have and I think that I may have pinpointed them. Being the child of an addict is all I have ever known, and I never realized it was abnormal until I was in college. I’m realizing now that I’ve been holding on to beliefs and “scripts” that I created when I was a child and not looking at them like a reasonable adult. So hopefully with some more counseling, introspection, and a lot of trying, I will get through this and begin to enjoy the gift of life that God has given me.

I don’t really have much fun stuff to talk about, mostly because I haven’t seen any tv. Mircea TIVO’d Moment of Truth for me, and we’re going to watch it tonight. Other than that, its just been the King of Queens on dvd and a lot of journaling.

I did create a shirt for my bowling team, but we’re deciding on whether or not to purchase them because we’re not sure we’ll compete next year. We’ve been getting worse and worse lately and it’s sort of putting a damper on some of the spirits. Not mine-I’m improving, but I had no where to go but up!

Looking forward to the weekend and some time away from the office. Tonight I’m going to Mircea’s house for a date night (as well as my online class) and tomorrow I’m babysitting for my friend’s little boys while they have a date night. Sunday is the Super Bowl (yeah, I barely care) and I’ll probably hang out with friends for that as well…since I don’t have tv.

Hope you all have a nice weekend!