Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Roller Coaster of Life

On the roller coaster of life I've had an interesting ride. It was full of bumps a youth, but nothing that I couldn't handle. It was fairly emotional throughout high school and college, but not in the sense that it is for most people. I managed to stay under the radar for a long time, not experiencing the hurts and pains that come with growing up. I was in a happy relationship for quite some time and managed to avoid all the heart break of breakups and dating. And for some reason I thought I'd been cheated on that, that I had to experience the world so I could appreciate what I have.

Well in the past 5 months, I've experienced 5-10 years worth of heart ache and pain. A relationship ended with someone that I loved very much and I realized how terribly vulnerable I am to other people and letting them hurt me. I've realized how naive I am as well, and how I must not take what people say at face value. Not everyone knows the whole story about what happened with the wedding, but let's just say some of that stuff cropped up fairly recently and somehow it managed to break my heart a little bit more. But for no good reason. I should have realized that the person that had so much to do with the end of the wedding was a toxic, poisonous person, and his recent behavior only proves that I was simply a pawn in a little game. Its just so weird. I always believe the best in people, because I am not a person who lies or tells half truths. I tell people I love them if I love them, I tell people I'm not interested if I'm not interested. Why do people put up airs and pretenses? Just to get what they want? Are they really ever winning?

Oh, how I'd love to expand on this, but this isn't the forum.

I guess there is one takeaway. I've learned a lot in these past few months; about myself and about others. I think I really am finding myself and that is an invaluable lesson. The cost has been pretty great though, but I guess in the end, it will be worth it.