Friday, July 14, 2006

What Do I Convey?

How is it that I have managed to go through the past 25 years of my life with little male attention and then now, when it hurts to badly to get any attention, are the men just lining up to pay compliments and show interest? After waiting 8 full hours for the cable guy to show up he spends the next hour hitting on me and then puts his phone number on my receipt. I guess I look like a skank, I don't know. Today, like all days since Marc and I broke up has been really hard. So many "we should be" "we would be" bullcrap going on inside my head. I have to stop thinking about him...I know he's stopped thinking about me, but the pain of losing him is too much. Someone suggested why it was suggested to us to be apart for 3 he could meet someone else and get over me. I have to say I don't care about that...its probably what I deserve and I want Marc to be happy. What I do care about is that I don't know how a set amount of time will just magically make things different. That 3 months is this great amount of time to make a decision on a relationship that has taken 6 years to build (and about 1 second to break). Enough relationship talk. I only breaks my heart into a million pieces everytime I think about Marc.
Can't find the cord for my iPod so I can't plug it in. That's awesome. Have a 5 mile run tomorrow, which hopefully isn't too bad. I was supposed to run today to make up for the missed day yesterday but I couldn't because I had to stay by the house all day for the cable guy. A friend came over and tried to help me fix my phone, but the efforts only made it worse so now I can only use the telephone using the telephone box outside b/c it costs $100 an hour for them to come fix it and I'm just not paying for that. So I'm going to buy a really long cord and just run it through the window. Ghetto yes, but its what I'm doing.
I'm really lonely.