Sunday, July 16, 2006


Patty reminded me today that I need to look at all of this in perspective. What I am going through isn't easy and although it was self-perpetuated, its certainly not like I want it. There are so many other things going on in the world, right now (and in history, and in the future) that are so much bigger than my little "didn't get married as planned" problem. There is so much hurt and pain, pain that Marc nor I will even come close to through this ordeal. My friend Bill also reminded me that he often soothes himself with "I'm not the first person this has happened to, and I won't be the last". What a good perspective as well! So many people have had the same problem that Marc and I have right now. So many people have gone through it and some have emerged stronger, and some haven't emerged. But we're not alone in this. The pain will pass, and although right now it feels like I'll never smile again, when I look at my sweet little kitties I get a twinge of happiness. When I think about all the fun I've had with my friends and all the fun I've had with Marc over the years, I smile, maybe just a little, on the inside. Its like that Garth Brooks song, "The Dance".

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance

The pain of losing Marc is awful, the pain of destroying our friendship breaks my heart over and over again everyday. But I am thankful for the time that we had together. The wonderful memories, the experiences we shared, and the great bond that we made.

I'm sorry that I've been a depressed freak on my blog lately. I'm so sad inside, I don't know how to get through it, and all I can do is thank my friends for supporting me.

I know this will take "time". Marc has said he needs "time". I'm so sick of time, but it keeps on ticking (ticking) into the future. I can't wait to see what it holds.


Sarah said...

Don't apologize for being depressed; I think we've all had our negative blogging moments, so it's all good. Just do what you need to do to keep your head above water!