Friday, January 26, 2007

Missing Badge, Missing Teeth, Soup and My Inappropriate Outfit

This picture went around my office today. Nice catch on my sneeze-face!
Right before I left for San Diego I lost my precious blue badge, which is the way that most Pax River workers get on base and the way you unlock buildings. I have no idea what could have happened to it, but I have a feeling it has something to do with the Nazi-gym that I attend where Eva Braun checks the badges and won't let regulars through unless they present their badge (this is a new rule so no one had their badges the first couple weeks). So my blue badge wasn't in its normal place (buried in my purse) it was always out loose somewhere as I needed it for the gym. So I lost it. That's a pretty big deal as you can access base and buildings with it. I called the security office a couple of days ago (I know, I was lazy) to report it missing. Here's how the call went:

Me: I'd like to report my blue badge missing
Idiot on the telephone: You need to come in and fill out a report
Me: I'm sorry but I'm in San Diego, is there any way we can do this over the phone.
IotT: No, you need to fill out the form in person to report it lost.
Me: Well, I won't be able to do that until April and I'm a little nervous that someone can use it.
IotT: (clearly exasperated) Ma'am, it has your picture on it, no one can use it.
Me: (to myself: Yes, and if one of the guards ever looked at my picture in which I look like a moo cow they would ask me if I was actually the one in the picture.) What about the building access, you don't need to show it to anyone?
IotT: It has your picture on it.
Me: Yes, but when you walk up to a door and swipe your card the door doesn't recognize if the picture and the person are the same.
Dead silence
IotT: Well, it has your picture on it.
Me: Ok, thanks, I'll just call the buildings and have them remove me from the entry-list.

I wanted to scream! Sometimes we need to make exceptions. The best part is, when I get back I have to report it (and they put you under full interrogation) and then you have to wait 10 days until they reissue...OY!
On Wednesday night I went to bed with a cough drop in my mouth. I do this a lot and oftentimes I wake up with the cough drop still intact on the roof of my mouth. Apparently I don't make a lot of saliva, whatever. I took two tylenol pm and went to bed. In the middle of the night I reached into my mouth and pulled out one of my teeth. I mean, I had to really yank hard to get this tooth out of my mouth and I rolled back over and happily fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning I started panicking. I was like "holy crap, I was so drugged up from the Tylenol that I pulled out a molar, oh lord oh lord) I looked over to my nightstand and there was a tooth sized piece of cough drop. Whew! I often wake up with my hands in my mouth trying to pull a tooth and I was scared that it had finally happened.
This morning I had this conversation with my co-worker Carl.
Carl: Oh, I had this soup for dinner last night. It wasn't condensed...what the hell was the name of that?
Me: Progresso?
Carl: No, its like Prego or something. Prego?
Me: I think its Progresso. Prego is a spaghetti sauce.
Carl: Prego. No wait, isn't that a pasta sauce?
Me: Yes, I think Progresso is the soup that you had.
Carl: Silence
Me: Silence
Carl: Oh wait, I think that soup was Progresso and then he walked out the door.
My boss walks into the office this morning and he's wearing khakis and a polo shirt. (He always wears ratty jeans.) We're all standing in the hall when he comes in and he says "Oh, i forgot to tell you to dress up for this meeting we're having this morning. " He looks at Rebecca, who is wearing a dressy top, jeans and heels and says "You look fine" and then looks at me and says "I guess you're ok" and then walks away. I'm wearing khakis and a nice sweater. I mean, I'm picking Mircea up from the airport-this is as cute as I get!! When he left we all laughed so hard...and he wonders why he doesn't get any respect.

Happy Friday to Everyone! I'm looking forward to my weekend with Mircea here in town and I'm sure I'll have fun pictures and stories to tell. Tomorrow is kayaking in the sea caves and I can only imagine how it will turn out!


a leather glove said...

"Who's", not "whose". "observations, ramblings, rants, and mundane happenings from a gal whose just trying to amuse her friends. and herself."

I'll take therapists for four hundred.

Anonymous said...

Just wondering about your thoughts on the joint blog, it looks like it was left with the ball in your court. Does real love die, or does one just move on to the next victim?

Kate said...

Thank you to "a leather glove" for helping me out on my grammar.

Patty said...

This comment is for anonymous, no this is not a comment this is a statement. LEAVE KATE THE HELL ALONE. You're a chicken shit for posting your blantant anger as anonymous. We all know this is a family member and you're a coward. COWARD. If you're so upset over that stupid blog then why not talk to the other party involved to remove it. If I find out for a fact on who wrote this you will get a more direct piece of my mind.

Here's my advice for you: 1) GET A DAMN LIFE that doesn't involve stalking my friend's blog. 2) Ponder this, why are you so concerned about her well being or who she's in love with? Could you be jealous? Jealous that's she's grown from this and found someone who cares for her the way she DESERVES to be cared for? Grown the hell up. 3) Real love? You have no concept of the idea, get a clue asshole. 4) Kharma is a BITCH and she's coming for YOU.

Anonymous said...

That is so crazy that you freaked out. I wonder why? To Patty: you sure sound like a great friend for sticking up for your friend. We all need caring friends like you.