Thursday, October 06, 2005

Discouraged

I am not one who is patient by any means. I'm smart enough to know that so that should count for something right?

I'm also not a good judge of whether or not I should run...last night I shouldn't. My knee was hurting on the way there, and when I started jogging I was just miserable. My knee hurt, I was getting side stitches again, and was just miserable. I had to walk a lot more than I was running and I cut my normal out and back a little short as well. While I was walking I felt so guilty that I wasn't trying harder, and then I'd start to run again and my knee would hurt and I would stop, but then so would the knee pain. It was a vicious cycle of guilt and pain!

This morning I woke up and I could barely get down the stairs, and its not just my right knee. Its my right knee, thigh and calf, as well as my left calf-what the heck? I certainly didn't realize I could hurt myself even more with a light little jog!!

Marc keeps suggesting that I do the elliptical, but I find that they hurt my knees anyway and I don't get any satisfaction from it either. I guess that I could start running on the treadmill at home, but I just don't like it. I want to do an exercise that I enjoy...otherwise what is the point? I don't want my health to be a chore.

Another issue I am currently having is that I am a sucky runner. I just can't do it. How freakin' hard is it to move your legs? HOW HARD CAN THIS BE? I'll tell you-its really hard, at least for me. I am most dishearted by the fact that I have seen some extremely heavy people (heavier than I was when I was 210) jogging around and they look perfectly at peace with the world. They are going a little more slowly than I usually do, but still. They just keep going. Also, on a related note, a very heavy and lazy person has been reporting to Marc and I that he is running 5 miles at a time in 10 minute miles-and he just started running about 3 months ago. When I say heavy, I mean very heavy, so that's got to be a lot of work. Why the hell can't I do it? What do these people have that I don't? I really thought it would get easier as I was losing weight and practicing, but I just don't get any better. Am I just not cut out for running? Do I give up? Is this all a waste? Argh, so frustrated!!

3 comments:

Sarah said...

Your knees need (that sounds funny) time to rest, I think, before you can say whether or not you're cut out to run. Plus, if you're like me, and if you're not running as fast/far as you'd like to, then you may start feeling like "I'm just not good enough," when you're *fine*! Just listen to your body and maybe alternate running with the elliptical or swimming or something that's a little easier on the joints.
That being said, my motivation has been shot to hell, as well (again with the rhyming--I'm on a roll today!), so if you find a way to get all excited about running LET ME KNOW. :-)

Marc said...

It just takes time. I promise it will get better!
I'm very proud of what you've accomplished- you just have to stay with it. Don't get discouraged!

Patty said...

Kate, if you don't go to a doctor and get your crap checked out you're going to do more damage to yourself than you want. Do you enjoy the use of your legs? Seriously, is it all in one leg? Maybe one leg's longer than the other, it happens, seriously and that could cause joint discomfort.

About big boy blue...I'm sorry...I think someone's lying to you. 10 minute mile and five of them? Right. Oh by the way...I hit the lottery too...who would have guessed you didn't have the play game to win?