Sunday, July 08, 2007

Put Me Out of My Misery

Just a quickly as we decided to move in together, I'm moving out of Mircea's house. We just can't get along within these 4 walls, but although we haven't made it "official", this is the end of our relationship too because how can it not be?

I loved him so much. Too quickly, but I fell for him like I've never fallen before. He treated me like a Queen, he showed me a world I never knew was possible, but this, like every relationship I'm in, fell apart because I can't stand myself. I'm so insecure, and so unsure of every move I make in life, that I fall to pieces, especially when there is someone to "perform" for.

Oh my gosh, I miss him already. I haven't even left yet, but my heart is in 1000 pieces and I know that I've lost something wonderful. Hopefully I'll gain some perspective and gain some confidence in myself and stop looking to a man to fulfill my life.

Why must my summers be so miserable? Why must every day of my life be such a challenge? I don't want to leave here because I fear that taking this step back means will never go forward again. I just want to be happy. Somehow I guess that makes sense in my head that I meet a man, we fall in love, we get married and have a family. All I want in the world is to have a family and raise happy children. Ugh.

I'm moving out the second week of August, so I'll let you know about the new place. It's the cottage next to my old one, and it's three bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths and much nicer than the old place. That's something at least!


Stephany said...

I'm so sorry you're so hurt sweetie. I'm here for you... take a drive up the coast to RI one weekend if you like - we'll sit on the beach, talk and go walking.

mm said...

I'm sorry you're hurting. Don't be so hard on yourself, though. Keep yourself busy, take up a new hobby, throw yourself into your job and, above all, stay positive. Take this time to better yourself and build confidence:)

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry. :-( You can come visit whenever you need to, and I'll stop by the county, too!