Friday, January 06, 2006

Feeling Blue and Down in the Dumps

ugh, I just feel so icky and depressed. Today is the five year anniversary of my mother's very surprise death. Obviously I am upset at the memory of the loss, but I am letting it effect everything. I just want to curl up in bed and do nothing. Yesterday I was supposed to run 3.5 miles...I did not, I decided I would trade yesterday as a rest day and run today. Yeah, that's not working. I've run a mile today and I just don't feel like doing it at all. I feel fat from my holiday weight gain (I know, I know, running will help that fat go away) and I just feel generally stressed about wedding planning, which is silly considering we are less than a week into the engagement and I'm already freaking out.

My attempt to make the day better is to:
  • clean up the Christmas decorations and organize them in the attic
  • Run a 2.5 mile run to finish up my 3.5 mile "chore" as it seems
  • Go through my fat clothes and get rid of them, though I'm still considering keeping them, not really for fat, but for future pregancy. Some of the stuff is really nice and I bet I could wear it when I get heavy for babies, which is like 2 years from now, but still...I can't part with it!
  • Just hug the kitties and hug Marc and know that everything is going to be ok.

I hope everyone has a great day. I will try my best to keep this day a happy day looking back on the memories of my mom, but I think the wedding plans and knowing she won't be there really helps to depress me.


Sarah said...

My mother lost *her* mother when she was very young, as well (I don't remember her at all; I think I was barely three at the time). Every year on the anniversary of her death she would send someone flowers or bake them cookies or something, just to let people know she appreciated them and as a way of reminding herself that life *can* be quite short, and we often have a tendency to take others for granted. Hope you're feeling a little better...