Monday, December 08, 2008

A Morning in the Life

I had an interesting morning, but it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have spent a couple days sick to my stomach and vomiting and yesterday I had an issue that required the use of Pepto Bismol. I couldn't wait and had to get it as soon as the store opened so I called ahead and made sure that they had handicapped carts as I'm still not strong enough to walk any distance greater than couch to bathroom. (which I've been doing a lot of) They did have the carts so I started my trek. The grocery store is a way different place from the perspective of an electric cart. First of all, they are not the easiest to drive, and I'm able bodied so I can handle it but it wasn't great. I felt the store was really accessible, as I'm sure is required by law, but I was impressed. I was able to get everything on my little list (i figured i was there i'd get the other essentials) except one thing that was at cart level, but if it had been crowded i would have never made it. It just got me thinking as I drove the cart over the brick entry way and thought my leg would fall off from the jostling pain, how judgemental I have been about the cart people, and how pain really does change people, and that the world is very different with any form of disability. I mean, I was talking to Lindsay about setting up the Wii at the new house but I couldn't do it b/c I couldn't bend my knee and get down to the ground-silly right? But these little things are taken for granted and I hope that I never will do that again. I am so lucky that this is just a temporary problem, but I think of all the people that aren't experiencing this on a temporary basis and live this life everyday-they are definitely stronger than I am. In a side note, as I've been laying on my ass for 3 weeks, I wonder if many of the hefty cart people that we see and wonder if they only need the cart b/c they are chunky started out with an injury and the weight gain and pain got away from them and they are in a vicious cycle...I've been lucky to gain only 8 lbs, which is still insane, but I've probably walked a total of 400 steps in 3 weeks, not the recommended exercise for a normal gal.

I was also thinking about people that are in pain. I feel like hell in a handbasket and I'm bitchy as a wet cat and I can't imagine if someone felt this everyday. My mother was in constant pain (and chose to overmedicate to deal with the pain) but she was always so moody and I never understood until I've started experiencing my own pain. And it makes me think about how strong so many people really are-we all know the warrior who has struggled through Cancer, disability, etc., and i am in awe of their strength. I've got some knee pain combined with some dehydration and I was pretty much screaming to Mircea to call me an ambulance as I was "going to die" (yes, he's teased me for that, as I deserved) I can't sleep etc. And I'm not saying that anyone should feel bad for me because I chose this and I am going to be ok. But for those people that didn't, I am sorry that I didn't understand and I wish there was something I could do.

I realize this post is rambling (as always?) but I have just really been thinking the last few days. I'm a wimp. I have zero pain tolerance and am a huge whiney crybaby. I need to grow up and buck up and toughen up. I guess we all want our mommies to take care of us sometimes, but I think sometimes I fall into wanting my mommy all the time to take care of me. Time to take care of myself.


Becky said...

Pain does have a tremendous impact on a person's life. I have been dealing with fairly cronic pain since I started having issues with rib displacement about 5 years ago. On my good days it just feels like a back ache, on the bad days I head to the narcotic pain medication. And believe me it's not a good thing. I am not near as active as I used to be (with the related weight gain), I don't sleep well at all, and the pain and sleeplessness lead to me being a fairly grouchy person - and I hate that! I know that I am not naturally a groucy person (as evidenced by my good disposition after my chriopractor puts my ribs back into place and the pain is almost gone), but the pain makes me into something I am not. So, Kate, I can feel your pain - and all that's realated to living with pain.

I'm sorry you're still deaing with so much pain from your surgery!