Thursday, May 17, 2007

A Smile from Above

This morning was one of those mornings where I feel the spirit of my mother with me. As soon as I got into the car I heard one of my favorite songs and it just put me in a great mood. I changed the station and heard What a Feeling, from Flashdance, which was one of my mom’s favorite songs. She would really rock out to that, doing here little foot tapping dance that I miss so much. Then the XM beeped in on a song I love (Human Nature, Michael Jackson) and I sang along to that like I used to sing along to it with my mom when I was a kid. And then the waterworks started, because I was on the Heart. Bette Midler’s Wind Beneath my Wings (from Beaches) was one of my mother’s favorite songs. She and my dad played it at their 25 wedding anniversary, where they renewed their vows, and then a couple years later we played it at her funeral. I was bawling. (I’m crying now at my desk) I’ve been thinking about my mother a lot lately. Mircea requested that I get rid of some of the junk I’ve been carrying around (for years) and I’m trying to avoid the task. I need to pare down some of the books (all my mother’s) as well as sell/donate some of the knickknacks from my childhood. (I should explain: when my dad got remarried I was given all of the family memorabilia, so I really do have an attic full of memories-and no attic.) I don’t really know how to go through all that stuff. I know it will be sad, and I just don’t feel like Mircea understands how hard it is for me. It definitely would have been nice to have a mom to advise me when I was going through all the mess last summer (can you believe it’s almost been a year?) I think that mothers and daughters often have volatile relationships, but I know that I sure need my mommy sometimes, even though I spent so many years pushing her away.

Ok, I don’t want to keep everyone depressed, so I’ll post something good and positive. We’re leaving for our little camping trip today at 3:30 and we’re both so excited for the mini-vacation. We’ve both got some good books to read, some yummy food to cook, and some hiking trails marked for some exercise and photo-ops.

**In an interesting note, I did a Google search for my mom, and there is a list of names/dates from gravesites in their county in Ohio. I saw my mom, and both her parents on there. They say that they are updating pictures (which I have of the headstones) for geneology purposes. Very interesting.**

4 comments:

mm said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I've never lost anyone besides the occasional aquaintence and grandparents so I won't even attempt to do the 'I know how you feel' advice thing.

Hope the camping trip goes swimmingly. I love Wind Beneath my Wings, as well. Bette Midler rocked my socks off in Beaches.

mm said...

Feel free to delete this comment....You reading is posted in the comments section. I apologise if it sucks...haha

Adam Hamilton said...

pdLife is really not appreciated until you have lived it. Even though death is something that reaches all of us sooner or later, it doesn't get any easier to accept as we move through our lives, it is a constant. I believe that our loved ones can feel our love even in death, like you said in spirit. As long as you go on living and remembering your mom she will always be with you until you meet again in a better place.

Chin Up!

- Adam

Marc said...

On a lighter note, why couldn't you ever throw anything away during the six years I had to put up with your massive amount of stuff? Not fair.

I was always the big jerk for saying things like "I realize that neither your office nor the guest room can hold another single book, but I refuse to put up more bookshelves in the living room."

Good for you! Go clean sweep!