Another Daily Motivator-I like these!

Life can be great when you simply go with it. Instead of excessive worrying or endless analyzing, just make your choice and then move forward with it.

Your first instinct is often your best one, because it comes from your authentic self. When you start taking a lot of other conflicting opinions and perspectives into account, your options quickly shrink.

Certainly it pays to think things through, and to consider the advice of others. Just don't let it all dilute the passion that can energize your life.

Trying to make the perfect decision can often lead to no decision at all. Trying to avoid every mistake can be the biggest mistake, because you also avoid getting anything done.

Though you can plan for the future, you cannot precisely predict it. So go ahead with the best you have, and you'll be completely able to deal with whatever may happen.

Even though it has no guarantees, this day is an incredible opportunity. So step confidently, enthusiastically forward with a smile on your face and go with it.

-- Ralph Marston

Looking Back...and Forward.

I don't know if anyone took a moment today to think about the lives that were lost on September 11, 2001. There was a moment of silence observed in my class today, and while I said a prayer for the families of the victims of the attacks and for the service men and women that are currently engaged in fronts across the globe, I was moved to tears. I definitely wasn't the only one in that class room crying.

In my lifetime, there has never been something as "uniting" as this. Nothing like this has happened on U.S. soil. Its so heartbreaking, so gut-wrenching. Everyone has their own story of how it effected them. Where they were, what they saw on the tv, the emotions that they went through. It touched so many people, and it continues to touch people. I think that everyone holds their family a little bit closer when they think of the attacks. I think that people try to remember how precious their life really is. I hope that I find the strength to do that everyday. To appreciate the moments that life has to offer and the joy in the every day living.

When I think about September 11th, I also have a strange peace that comes over me. Its an odd one, and I'm not sure why I'm sharing, but I guess I am an open book. Ok, I know that I am. My mom died in January of 2001, and for whatever reason, I feel a sense of peace that she wasn't living to "go through" it. My mother would have had a very hard time with it and I'm sure she would have become very depressed. As much as I wish I could have hugged her close that day, and so many days since she died, I am glad that she was spared the pain of it. I just don't think she could have handled it. That is one thing I wish I hadn't "picked up" from my mother. The uncanny ability to internalize the world's pain. Its all fine and dandy, but it eats at you constantly and makes happiness seem like an unattainable goal.

Thank you to all those who are doing what they can to protect our freedoms. Whether War is the answer or not, I don't know. But I do know that those who are fighting for us deserve to be protected and safe, and I say my prayer every night for the men and women I know over there (LC, Dan, Miguel, and Cooksey) and the many that I don't. I hope you'll do the same.

Love & Memories

I don't know if anyone knows that O.A.R. song, but it has been one of my favorites for awhile. I used to love that song like "oh, that man is angry" and now unfortunatly its like "oh damn, that applies to my life." I hate that. I really hate that.

Friday was a pretty fun day. I got some stuff taken care of around the house and then spent the evening with the Warner's and Ben playing beer pong. It was a lot of fun and I'm terrible at it. The fun part is that they don't play beer pong the standard way...they actually played ping pong with special rules. I was pretty happy though, I got on Ben's scoreboard, which Robyn said took her a couple of times.

Saturday I had a good day too. Got some stuff done around the house in the morning and then went out to dinner at Outback and went to see Lady in the Water. The dinner was great, the movie ok, and the company wonderful. Its so hard to not be "wistful". I think that is the word that best describes me. Its my "verb". (it used to be "relax" so this is a good thing!)

Today I've just been working around the house getting it all cleaned up and organized, since I'd been fairly lax on that, mostly because of the Sims. I'm trying very hard not to fire it up today. I just love it so much. Oh, my neighbor dog is at my house now. He's the sweetest, stinkiest dog ever, and I can only assume he belongs to someone, but he seems to love me. Well, actually, he loves Ben and Andrew the best, but since I'm the only one that lives here he has taken a shining to me. He's such a sweet boy. McGruff the Grime Dog (or Slime dog). I should go play with him!

I have a big class the next two weeks, so I'm not sure how much blogging I'll be doing as I won't have computer access all day. This class is another one of those stupid Navy/Marine Corps schools. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but at least now I can go back to my home instead of being stuck in a hotel with a bunch of jerky guys. I won't be getting the 3 am knocks on the door just to tell me how beautiful I am. As if its a compliment coming from someone who reeks of alochol!

Habit # 2: Begin with the End in Mind

I'm wondering how many of you thought that I would give up on these 7 Habits pretty quickly. I really do believe in them and I really do feel a sense of peace when I think about the lessons that I am learning. Again, this is just a book, and most of it is "common sense", but I am at a very transitional place in my life and the guidance is really helping me understand my wants and desires for my future.

Habit 2, which is Begin with End in Mind, focuses on what you really want out of life. An illustration the author uses is how you would feel as a guest at your own funeral. What would people say about you? What would they say you had done? Would they say "she was wealthy" or "she always took care of those who needed it most."

The main focus is on your principles, what you truly believe and what you base all of your decisions on. It is recommended that a person write a personal mission statement, and I've been working on mine the past few weeks. It really is amazing to think about what you want and care for in life. I look back on my recent events and wonder how I would have reacted to my surroundings if I had a clear focus on what I wanted out of life. I mean, of course I knew what I wanted, but I had never really sat down to think about how to get to all of those things. I know that I wasn't thinking about my goals...I was thinking in the short term (and was I even thinking then?) I will make a concerted effort to act in accordance with my values and principles at all times, doing so insures that there are few regrets, if any.

Another lesson in this habit is how you "center" yourself. I found this to be really interesting. There were many different things that you could center yourself with, but it becomes painfully clear that if you center yourself with things or people, you will surely be disappointed. I defintely do this in my life! I centered myself around my relationship and because of that concentration on another person, I was swung by moods and his thoughts, not my own. Its not that he was swaying me in any way...it was that I was allowing my own thoughts and feelings to be validated by him and when we had differing opinions, I would become disappointed. That's crazy! How could that ever be his, or anyone else's, responsibility other than my own? If you center your life around the principles you have for yourself, you can't be disappointed, because you make decisions based on what you believe in and how you feel, not on the expectations of others.

I wonder if anyone else thinks this makes sense, or if I am justin some sort of cult? I think that these are things that most people already realize...you have to live for yourself and be responsible. My life has been centered around letting someone else make a lot of decisons for me (at my request) because I didn't feel comfortable in my own decision making ability. I have never felt comfortable in my own skin, for reasons my closest friends already know.

That's over. I am working on figuring out exactly what I want in life and what I value. I have faith that having a clear understanding of where I am going will truly allow me to enjoy my happiness and let me be at peace with myself.

These Are My Confessions...

• I should not have purchased the computer. I have an addiction problem to the Sims 2 and it is taking over my life. I really ought to take it off the computer, but then I wouldn't have needed the computer and then it would have just been a waste of money. Damnit! I realized that I probably only dated Marc for about 2 out of the 6 years because I played so much Sims. Too bad I couldn't live my life in the real world instead of living vicariously through a freakin' computer game.
• I got my textbooks in the mail yesterday and didn't even crack them open. I just played the Sims 2.
• I haven't folded my laundry yet this week. I cleaned my sheets and bedspread this weekend and have been sleeping on the futon as I'm just too lazy to make my bed.
• I am probably not running the marathon this year. It breaks my heart to say it, but I'm far from prepared and don't see myself "bucking up" and getting ready in the next month and a half. I am going to pay the fee to transfer the entry to next year, so I'm just pushing my goal off for a year.
• 2006 was the year I thought I'd finally get everything in my life together. Turns out, nope.
• I've got to go now because I have a lot of work to do and shouldn't be on here.
• I logged back on because I realized that I didn't put my "On Notice" picture on here. I confess that I stole it from Marc, who stole it from Ray, who surely stole it from someone.

My Wild and Wonderful Weekend

I've been censoring this blog for awhile, but decided, what is the point anymore?

The weather here has been nuts. I just got home from a weekend away simply b/c I didn't have electricity until about an hour ago. I lost hundreds of dollars worth of lean cuisine in my chest ferezer because the power has been out for two whole days. I had to cancel my crabbin' party because I didn't have water for the toilets nor the ability to light my stove (apparently gas doesn't work without power) to cook the crabs. But that didn't stop me from having a great weekend filled with fantastic friends (and finding out whom my real friends are.)

Friday night I went over to Lainie and Jose's and had a blast playing pool and hanging out in their bathtub (long, long story) We had a great time, though I'm sure Lainie was getting peeved that I was on her team for pool because I am so terrible. I ended up staying the night there as I had no electricity and I enjoy showering at my leisure.

On Saturday I came home from Lainie's, realized I didn't have power and called all the gals to uninvite them to my crabbin' party. When I called my friend Robyn she said that I should stay over there, so I spent the day with her and her sweet husband Andrew watching movies (The Hills Have Eyes) and eating the food that I had planned to make for the party. Then we came back to my house and went crabbin' with their friend Ben, who I just love, and Andrew and I drank too many beers and Robyn and Ben drove us back to their house, where we watched Notre Dame (BOO) play Georgia Tech and I discovered on the NFL channel that my boyfriend Mike Vanderjagt is screwing up for Dallas like he screwed up for the Colts (though I still love him dearly)

Today the Warners and I went to a couple of parties and watched a ton of Food Network but then I came home because I figured the girls probably missed me. Luckily I had power when I got back and I'm now writing this fairly random post in my tipsiness from the party. I did meet my future husband at the party...well, maybe. This very funny redneck guy (I'm talking Larry the Cable Guy) was like "how is a cute girl like you not married?" (if he only knew) I said something unintelligable and he said "Well, we'll get ourselves hitched in no time". Lucky me, eh?

I also learned a valuable lesson about friendship this weekend. Now I can move on. Thank you for that gift.

Tomorrow I may go crabbin' or "Kanayaking" with Ben and the Warners. It should be a great time.

Another Dell Letter

Dear Jose,
You were nothing short of charming with your requests for me to "do you a favor" and do a specific task on my computer. In fact, in many countries, I think that you and I would be married because we spoke on the phone for 2 1/2 hours! I know all about your country (El Salvador) and how it is roughly the size of New Hampshire. You have also inquired as to where I reside, and I explained that it was Maryland and then you began asking me questions about Washington D.C. and the security in the area. I briefly explained that there was plenty of security and sort of worried a little in the back of my mind about such a question, but decided that this 21 year old Dell technical support gentleman (who I can only assume was wildly hunky because otherwise this wouldn't be of any value) was of no threat to our Capitol. Thanks again sweetie!

Kate

We tried so many different fixes for my internet connectivity issue. Earlier in the day I had installed the Sims 2 with the hopes of maybe living out my relationships vicariously through animation, but alas, we promptly restored my computer to its original settings, thereby wasting an hour that I had already wasted when I should have been cleaning. We did everything short of a rain dance (well I guess I did a rain dance because its pouring here because of Ernesto) to get the Internet to work, but it never did. So I am expected to sit at home tonight beginning at 5 pm waiting for them to call back and walk me through the reinstallation of Windows XP. Yes, of course I know how to do this, but they've said that they want to walk me through it so its all in the right order. Whatever. The last fix is that they are sending me a new motherboard. Isn't this grand? Brand spanking new computer... can't even use it.

Oh, but that's not all boys and girls. I got food poisioning yesterday from some Thai soup that I had (Pho) as did my co-worker and my friend Bill (who was dining near us eating the same thing), and spent the afternoon sick, although I'm working on a project with a pretty tight deadline (not so tight that I'm not writing this). Then, my dryer sort of burned up when I got home. It runs really really hot, so hot that I can't touch the clothes when they come out of it, and I had to unplug it last night because it smelled like fire and burned some stuff. So I get to call my sweet landlady today and cry to her over the dryer. To top it all off, I'm having a party tomorrow that involves a lot of outdoor time and its pouring rain and not expected to stop. Woo hoo. I'm sorry for all the whining, but I just can't believe my fortune. Like Stephen Covey says though "carry your own weather". Why am I carrying a crap storm?

What Do You Want?

What do you want? And what are you actually doing about it?
Whatever things you are actively working toward are the things you truly want. Anything else is what you merely say you want.
As each day unfolds, you use your time, energy, creativity and resources to bring certain things to reality. Those are the things you truly desire.
You can, of course, reconsider, re-prioritize, add to and subtract from what you want. Yet the fact remains that whatever you really want is clearly evidenced by what you commit the whole of yourself to.
And so it is also true that whatever you sincerely want, you will have, you will achieve, you will become. Nothing can stand in your way when you have focused all that you are on a particular set of objectives.
So choose with care those things you truly want. For your life is always making them real.
-- Ralph Marston

____________________________________________________________________

Oh Mr. Marston, you dare ask what I want. I'm working on it.

Dear Dell

Dear Dell,
You've pissed me off beyond belief. I have spent hours on the phone for one simple, tiny little item. All I wanted to do was change my shipping address. That's it. Nothing big. I've spent a total of 2 hours trying to get it taken care of, only to call UPS to find out that you didn't take care of it. I said my address so many times to your customer service representatives. I even yelled at the top of my lungs in the my workplace "NAVY.MIL. NAVY, you know, the ships in the sea. MIL, as in Military. Yeah, yeah, I'll spell it NAVY. No N. N. NANCY. N. Yeah, whatever, Mavy.nil." I wouldn't have had to even yell about the Navy is she would have just understood PurdueKate...but no no, I was Pretty Kate, and while I was ok with that, it didn't really help me get my computer any faster. Then my co-worker was like "why don't you just go home this afternoon and sign for it?" Oh yeah, because I'm such a slacker that sort of appeals to me. So then I call UPS back and now they don't know if they can get it on the truck. So shutup Dell. I hate you.

Kate

You may be asking "why don't you just go up to UPS and pick it up?" Because its over an hour away and since I came back from California I haven't left the county. So let's see if I ever get my computer. I don't have time to play with it as I am still trying to get caught up on grad school work (I don't have the books so I'm sort of spinning my wheels there) as well as clean up my place for the par-tay this weekend. Which is will probably rain.

Yeah, I'm in a foul mood. Who's asking? I'm sick and tired of all this crap. I'm sick of trying really hard to be happy and get my life in order. I'm sick and tired of feeling so sad inside and missing those that I love so dearly. I'm sick and tired of pretending that I don't just want to give up. I want to be happy. I know it takes work. I'm working on it darnit. It just sucks!

Sorry for whining.

Tuesday

I don't really have a point to this writing, but sometimes I feel this is the only way I get human contact in a day. Even though I don't really, it just helps me to feel a little less lonely.

Work is going really well. I think I might have actually found something that I am interested in and that makes me super happy. I'm finally appreciated in a position too and not treated like a coffee bitch.

Grad school starts this week. My books still aren't here but hopefully that will remedy itself in the next day as I have quite a load of homework due on Thursday night.

I'm also meeting this week with a friend who has a tutoring business and I'm looking to maybe help out with that. I figured I could probably do things like English and writing as those were my better subjects in high school. Ahhh, creative writing. That was a fun one once I realized that no one was judging me for my crazy thoughts.

My book club book for this month is Saving Fish From Drowning, by Amy Tan. I'm not very far into it but we'll see. I'm starting to wonder if its only popular because of the author. I do want to put a quote from the book in here though because I thought it was very interesting.

A pious man explained to his followers: It is evil to take lives and noble to
save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake
and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop
and twirl. "Don't be scared," I tell those fishes. "I am saving you from
drowning." Soon enough, the fishes grow calm and lie still. Yet, sad to say, I
am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything,
I take those dead fishes to market and I sell them for a good price. With the
money I receive, I buy more nets so I can save more fishes.

I just thought that was very interesting. Or maybe it was really late when I read it.

Tonight I have a 4 mile run and then hopefully some more Monopoly with Ryan. We'll see though-I think he's wounded b/c I kicked his tail last night!