Sorry to Get Sappy

I just wonder when things are going to be ok in my life. I just wonder if I'm ever going to find my place in this world and if I'll ever be happy in my own skin.

I really hope I find it. I think I deserve it. I think I deserve to stop letting myself get into terrible relationships and looking for friends in all the wrong places.

OY.

Less Joy

Ok, so the Tivo isn't working. Its going through a 3 hour diagnostic. In a positive note, the eBay seller said it was still under warranty so we could try to get it all worked out. Let me wipe my tears. Sometimes I wonder...

Joy of Joys

The Tivo has come. The installing it is coming now. The smile is big.

The Weekend: Mojito Edition

I had such a great weekend visiting with Patty. She came in on Thursday night, and our originial plan was for her to get a "taste of st. mary's county" and visit the Dew Drop Inn (the home of many a SMIB bachelorette party). Well, her flight was delayed a gazillion times and she didn't actually get into my car until about 11:30, a mere 4.5 hours after her arrival time. Needless to say she didn't get to visit the Dew Drop, but we did enjoy a Blue Moon at my house with the cats. The next day we lazily wake up and drive up to the Germantown area to visit with her friend Emily that she went to school with. Emily is a blast and we went out to a bar in Germantown with another friend of hers to watch a metal band. That's right, a "metal band". It was slighty terrifying and the clientele was very interesting. I absolutly loved the mohawked bartender, and shed a tear to see that he was married. As if I would ever say anything to him, but still.
My favorite part of the evening was that the guy in the band we were there to watch (which of course didn't get onstage until midnight) looked like just a regular normal joe. The rest of the guys in the group were a little grungier, but it seemed as though this guy just stepped out of his office in khakis and a t-shirt and decided "you know what? I'm just going to go sing metal for this group" and proceeded to yell his heart out and strain his vocal chords. They were actually pretty good, but the "yelling" gets to me sometimes.

The next night when went to Kellee's house (the friend of Emily) in DC, and then met up with some other college friends of Patty's at the Banana Cafe, which wasn't the best...well I guess it was good, I was "three mojitos to the wind" so I barely tasted my food. The plaintains were great, but can you ever screw up a plaintain? I think not.

After the Banana Cafe we staggered our way to this other bar, which I have no idea what it is. I was so trashed on those three mojitos, because I had no idea they were so strong and I rarely drink hard liquor. I just kept ordering waters all night, because it was clear that I had my fun. As I sobered up I noticed how quiet it was in the bar. That's when I realized that the bar was full of deaf people. They were all signing and it was quiet (including when I shattered a glass) and actually kind of nice. I think we were some of the only hearing people in there, and it was nice to not have to shout over people.

I Don't Know Whether to Laugh or Cry (laughing)

Purdue Editorial <---Don't click if you are afraid of an inflatable "man part".

I actually counted that the word penis(es) is used 9 times. I have to give this guy credit though-the article is pretty well written and the use of double entendre is sublime.

And yes, I'm embarassed that this brings happiness and "excitement" to Purdue students. And a little shame.

The Weekend: Sports Edition

Well, the Boilers have done it again. I can't be mad at them though, they were playing Wisconsin, a team that far outranks us, and deservedly so. And honestly, as much as I'd like to see the Boilers provide the Badgers with an upset, I'm looking at the greater good of the Big 10 and I like to see the teams win that can be other conferences so we finally get a little respect on the National front. The teams this year are Wisconsin, Michigan and of course, Ohio State, teams that I don't root for when they play Purdue, but I like to see them win so we get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. (Just a little bit!)

Unfortunate News: The freakin' Irish won this weekend, which puts me at 0-2 for sports on Saturday.

But of course there is one team, that never lets me down. (I use the term 'never' quite loosely, as it does not include the play-offs!) Although it was a little hairy at the beginning, the Indianapolis Colts beat the Washington Redskins on Sunday, making my wearing of the Colts jersey all over DC on Sunday morning well worth the sneers and snide comments. My friend Lainie is a big Redskins fan and I was going to call her at Half-time to comment on the fact that the 'skins were ahead and I was getting scared. And now this morning I was lucky enough to get to send her a beligerent GO COLTS email that I'm sure made Monday even better. I'd like to attach a picture, but alas, Blogger knows not how to upload a picture with ease and simplicity. (or poise and rationality)

Hmmmm

Ok, I don't like to get in big social debates, but this article on CNN.com really bugged me today. The story is about Chris Rock's mom, and her claim that Cracker Barrel was racially discriminating against her and her daughter as they waited a half an hour before being addressed in the restaurant. Now I have only once been discriminated against because of my race, and that didn't really upset me too much. Its also not that I think that his mother wasn't discriminated against. I just have a problem with someone saying "Bad service? It must be because I'm ____." Sarah and I recently went to dinner at the Okada Sushi restaurant and we waited almost 30 minutes to even be addressed. We made the joke that the bartender must be homosexual, as there is no way that he would ignore two hotties like us. (We were obviously joking) We didn't go, "this guy must hate young, single, white women." We figured they were busy and had bad service.

Now you might say "well, what if they were helping everyone else and clearly not helping this one group?" That happened to me and Sarah. They helped the drunks, the old people, and the smoking angst ridden hottie "bad-boys".

This may be a perfectly valid complaint that these people were discriminated because of their race. Is it lawsuit worthy? Do you sue the company who hired the bigot that treats you poorly? Do you sue an individual because of their opinion, albeit misguided?

Now I'm staying out of politics and race relations. The end.

At first I thought I looked weird in the picture as I pick food off of Robyn's plate. But then I realized that her husband and Vinny (w/hat)...well, they look way worse.




Sunday morning. A great time for chores, at least that's what I always seem to be doing on Sunday mornings. I've been lax in laundry and assorted other chores, and Patty is coming in just a few short days (THURSDAY) and I'm getting the house ready for her white glove treatment. I'm actually hoping she wears black gloves that are stain resistent, because my cottage isn't conducive to being dust, bug or hair free. Its a special place all its own.

Yesterday I went to the Navy-Rutgers game with Robyn, Andrew and their friend Vinny. It was a lot of fun, and as always, they introduced me to some nice people. We all had a good time, tailgating before the game (it was very elaborate-about 100 people and everyone was just as friendly as they could be), and then watching the Midshipmen march into the stadium, where we pegged them with candy and high fives. Robyn and I were having a ball, but then we started laughing at ourselves because the guys all wore badges for when the graduated and let's just say when the hottie who's badge said "2010" said "hey ladies" we felt a little sick to our stomach. Robyn's husband said that the boys were just happy as clams when they got to us, and he had to laugh because they were tripping over themselves. We gave candy to the girls and just high fives to the boys...those boys didn't need any extra attention. Oh, by the way, Rutgers shut out Navy 34-0. Oh well, the F/A-18 flyover was pretty cool...though I pretty much get to see that every day of my life working where I work, but still.

So I should probably get back to more chores. I also need to figure out how to turn on my heat. The thermostat doesn't appear to do too much. This should be fun!

Assorted Comments

Today has been an interesting day. I started out the morning with a compliment on my skirt. As I looked down I realized that skirt was inside out. AWESOME! Then I went to a funeral for a co-workers, and it was very emotional. There was a really neat slideshow of him when we walked in and it made me realize how the people that sit and annoy us in meetings are much more than the job they have. This person was so multi-dimensional, and he wasn't just the "Pedro from Tech Data" he was a father, husband, and son to a family who loved him very much. It was really quite moving and reminded me to look at people in a different light.

I also booked a flight to see Lindsay, Dan and Draigan for Thanksgiving. I'm really excited about the trip. We made the decision for me to fly into Las Vegas and we'll have a little visit there, which should be nice. I've never been and the hotel wasn't too pricey, so we'll spend one evening in Vegas as my flight out is fairly early the next day. I'm really excited about helping Lindsay with cooking. If I do say so myself, I've got some mad Thanksgiving cooking skills, and I hope I can show some of them off. Lindsay, we'll have to go over recipes!!

Changes

Sometimes song lyrics just speak to you, you know? I am trying so hard to find what I want in life, but I keep making wrong choices. I keep making decisions that are sort of "old habits die hard" kinds of things, and not concentrating on myself. Who really knows how to "heal thyself"? I journal, I go to counseling, I have been going way outside my comfort zone, and I just keep feeling like I get burned. I also keep letting people take advantage of me, and that sucks. I should change that, I keep letting myself get taken advantage of. I'm the one in control, and I often forget that as I'm trying to make friends and not hurt other people. I've been sort of dating this guy Chris, and this weekend he really hurt my feelings. Which is hilarious, because I never really liked him much in the first place, but his rejection somehow hurt me. Its not that he rejected me...its how he did, and it really knocked me out for a few rounds. I'm much less mad about him than I am about myself. I guess its all part of learning and growing. I just wish I'd had the opportunity to go through all these changes when most people are lucky enough to; in college. I never had time to find myself until now. And its really hard. Instead of learning what I want, I seem to be ticking off the "well, I don't want that". I guess its all part of growing up. At twenty six years old.




I'm not supposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am
I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel)
I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone
I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn
It feel like I've been buried underneath all the weight of the world

I try to hold this Under control
They can't help me 'Cause no one knows

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes

I'm blind and shaken'
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all these changes

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it

Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, I hate this
But I'm going through changes, changes

Three Doors Down: Changes